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The poo & guff thread...

THFC said:
I had a desperately close session this morning after my morning coffee, I parked my rear end comfortably on the throne, and spat a good'n - nothing new. Then my own personal hell was realised - no fudging bog roll.

It turns out the cleaner threw a sickie last night.

Anyway, after considering my options which ranged from phoning for help, hoping it was a no wiper, and using my boxers as toilet paper. I was literally up brick creek without a paddle. After some rather tense contemplation, and a turd burger later, I decided to take the James Bond of solutions to avoid eternal ridicule and also ruining my chances with the office hottie - all very real consequences with some of these options, not to mention being on a one way ticket to the dole queue.

I timed the average time I had where no other employees were in the toilet, and decided that I had a ten second window for what I decided to term as 'operation brick storm'.

In summary it involved doing the brick shuffle to the next cubicles with my trousers around my knees, meat n two veg out in the open in the endless persuit of some closure to this messy and sordid affair - the potential repercussions of failure were immense so brick storm had to succeed.

I heard the door close and took my chance, I was striding like a drunken crackhead but I managed to find some bog roll in the second cubicle, I then breathed a huge sigh of relief as I turned the lock to commence wiping which was clearly needed. As I did so I had a nice little rewarding surprise as I felt a second wind coming, oh what joy as a great adrenaline fueled bowl thumper emerged and set me up for a great day. I had slightly more of a smirk on my face than any toilet user should have when leaving a toilet and had a few funny looks, if only they knew.....
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You hero sir...
 
I just sharted at my desk, had to run to toilet and then machine gunned down the toilet. Real bad smell, Had some Turkish food at lunch, humous, chicken, lamb, cheese, everything. I came out and the other 2 bogs were occupied and my colleague walked straight into mine. I could see from his face that he was disgusted by the stench coming from the toilet. Real proud moment for me today.
 
http://myshreddies.com/

Paul O'Leary is the designer and innovator of Shreddies Underwear. In 1987 Paul graduated from Loughborough University with an industrial design degree and set up his own design consultancy. Two years later Paul co-founded kitchen design company deVOL which allowed him to explore many of his design and production ideas.

Outside of kitchen design Paul had other innovative ideas one of which was to tackle a problem faced by millions of people every day, flatulence odours. This is the idea that led to the launch of Shreddies underwear.

To bring Shreddies to life Paul worked alongside a team of lingerie designers from De Montfort University’s leading lingerie design course. A leading designer in the fashion industry, Darren Cleary, who had previously worked with Paul Smith also helped to design the underwear.

It was decided that ‘Zorflex’ activated carbon cloth would be used as the flatulence filter since its use in chemical warfare suits is renowned. De Montfort University’s testing reinforced this decision when it was proven to be perfect for the task.

Shreddies flatulence filtering underwear was launched in 2008 and only a year later was recognised for their innovative work and awarded the ACA ‘Look Good Feel Good’ award. Since then, Shreddies has come a long way and now has a loyal customer base relying on Shreddies underwear every day. Our customer testimonials on our about page strongly reflect this.

Shreddies now receives orders from all over the world and in addition to our UK base we now have a dedicated distributor in Germany sending out Shreddies to Germany, Austria and Switzerland. Many features and advertisements on television and in a wide range of magazines (found on the critical acclaim section of our website) are helping to spread the word and help more people to increase their quality of life for the better.
 
markysimmo said:
http://myshreddies.com/

Paul O'Leary is the designer and innovator of Shreddies Underwear. In 1987 Paul graduated from Loughborough University with an industrial design degree and set up his own design consultancy. Two years later Paul co-founded kitchen design company deVOL which allowed him to explore many of his design and production ideas.

Outside of kitchen design Paul had other innovative ideas one of which was to tackle a problem faced by millions of people every day, flatulence odours. This is the idea that led to the launch of Shreddies underwear.

To bring Shreddies to life Paul worked alongside a team of lingerie designers from De Montfort University’s leading lingerie design course. A leading designer in the fashion industry, Darren Cleary, who had previously worked with Paul Smith also helped to design the underwear.

It was decided that ‘Zorflex’ activated carbon cloth would be used as the flatulence filter since its use in chemical warfare suits is renowned. De Montfort University’s testing reinforced this decision when it was proven to be perfect for the task.

Shreddies flatulence filtering underwear was launched in 2008 and only a year later was recognised for their innovative work and awarded the ACA ‘Look Good Feel Good’ award. Since then, Shreddies has come a long way and now has a loyal customer base relying on Shreddies underwear every day. Our customer testimonials on our about page strongly reflect this.

Shreddies now receives orders from all over the world and in addition to our UK base we now have a dedicated distributor in Germany sending out Shreddies to Germany, Austria and Switzerland. Many features and advertisements on television and in a wide range of magazines (found on the critical acclaim section of our website) are helping to spread the word and help more people to increase their quality of life for the better.
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Gutted. The missus and I had this idea a decade ago! As a giggle. Hmmmm....
 
Dropped my guts in my car just before getting out and going to the driving range, an hour later i go back to the boiling hot car open the door to be hit with a fermented hot eggy fart from an hour ago, christ on a bike it werent nice
 
when in public bogs, always go to the disabled trap. normal ones are too confined, i like to have a walk around before i'm ready to make a deposit
 
Im such a good servant me

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I can never unsee that.

Still, good to see the old anti splash back pre dump paper layer, hope it worked, that thing would've gone off like a depth charge.
 
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