Mental Health Discussion & Check-In Thread

[DeanoAustin]

Without sounding a clever clogs, it was the being 'blocked in' that stood out to me.

Not because the other things don't carry as much weight, @Daisuk makes some good points about shame, and equally your thoughts of 'how the fudge has it come to this', and I don't want this to be an example to the kids are all irritations for sure.

But without going all psychology 101 on you...the being 'blocked in' should have rattled you for a number of reasons...some deeper than others.
1. It was a different tactic from her, a fresh way to fudge you up.
2. You had other commitments that were time sensitive and important to you, and she was fudging with them.
3. It brought up deep stuff from the past (kid age) where you were trapped, block in, forcibly prevented etc. Situations that left emotional wounds
4. Finally, the way it unfolded in the moment, had you fuming and internally angry, although you controlled it (bravo mate), afterwards you still felt things you didn't like, and you are questioning yourself and your potential behaviour and limits.

From what you've said..definitely think about 3 (and possibly 4) as something that rises from deep in us can be so confusing as its unresolved trauma but coming from when you was a totally different person to what you are now. It will trigger unease and anxiety, and it will linger as you don't know what it is and why it is.

Stay strong mate.

That makes sense, thank you. I had a rotten temper as a kid and teenager and would let it get out of control. I fudging hated it because afterwards it had only caused destruction. People are generally surprised to hear me say that because I’m viewed as pretty calm by people who know me now.

On Friday, I just felt a helpless rage that I really didn’t like and haven’t felt in a long time. For a few seconds, I just wanted to do some damage.

Thanks to you and the others who replied. Really appreciate it.

 

[thfcsteff]

Had a bit of a crazy incident over the weekend which affected me more than I'd have thought. Have gone through all sorts of nonsense with my ex over the last few years. Won't even get into the ins and outs or rights and wrongs.

Anyway, Friday I'm dropping my kids back to hers. Her and my son get in an argument and she cancels a Halloween sleepover he was having with his mates that had been planned for weeks at less than 2 hours notice. I can see my lad, who is far from blameless in the argument, getting anxious because this would be massive embarrassment for him. Anyway, we get to her house and she isn't there so I ring her from outside because my lad asked me to talk to her and I do it away from the kids. I tell her she shouldn't cancel the sleepover at that sort of notice because his mates and his mates' parents have made plans - if he's to be punished, it should be some other way. Turns into a row. I'm needing to get home for work. She pulls up and blocks me into her driveway and refuses to move. Keeps me there for 20 minutes and we had some verbals outside. Eventually, she moves the car.

I've been fortunate enough that I don't normally suffer from anxiety or any serious mental health issues (touch wood). All weekend, I've felt very anxious over the whole thing. There have been worse incidents over the years but it's like I've been hit by a bolt from the blue where I'm thinking to myself if being blocked into my ex's driveway and arguing with her in public is where I am at 46 years of age, I seriously need to do something about it.

Sorry, bit of a ramble. I've just struggling to know how to deal with it or why it's bothered me so much.

Sending a PM my friend...

 

[Mikey10]

Had a bit of a crazy incident over the weekend which affected me more than I'd have thought. Have gone through all sorts of nonsense with my ex over the last few years. Won't even get into the ins and outs or rights and wrongs.

Anyway, Friday I'm dropping my kids back to hers. Her and my son get in an argument and she cancels a Halloween sleepover he was having with his mates that had been planned for weeks at less than 2 hours notice. I can see my lad, who is far from blameless in the argument, getting anxious because this would be massive embarrassment for him. Anyway, we get to her house and she isn't there so I ring her from outside because my lad asked me to talk to her and I do it away from the kids. I tell her she shouldn't cancel the sleepover at that sort of notice because his mates and his mates' parents have made plans - if he's to be punished, it should be some other way. Turns into a row. I'm needing to get home for work. She pulls up and blocks me into her driveway and refuses to move. Keeps me there for 20 minutes and we had some verbals outside. Eventually, she moves the car.

I've been fortunate enough that I don't normally suffer from anxiety or any serious mental health issues (touch wood). All weekend, I've felt very anxious over the whole thing. There have been worse incidents over the years but it's like I've been hit by a bolt from the blue where I'm thinking to myself if being blocked into my ex's driveway and arguing with her in public is where I am at 46 years of age, I seriously need to do something about it.

Sorry, bit of a ramble. I've just struggling to know how to deal with it or why it's bothered me so much.

Really sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious and that you had to go through this, Deano.

From what you’ve written, what you are feeling is a perfectly rational response to some pretty irrational behaviour on the part of your ex. Try to be easy on yourself.

 

[Daisuk]

Thanks mate.

Think shame/embarrassment is a part of it. I'm usually pretty private. I don't do social media or any of that stuff and keep myself to myself mostly so arguing in her driveway just feels a bit classless. Especially when the kids could hear. So yeah, that bit bothers me.

But I think it's more the being blocked in that's gotten to me. Like how dare anyone try that especially when I need to get back to work. Also, my initial reaction was to want to go and grab her and make her move the car or go a kick f**k out of her car or something. Now, in a million years, I'm never laying a hand on a woman but I felt anger/frustration to the point where I wanted to do something and didn't have any options that weren't destructive. Had to have a word with myself and say "she'll have to move at some point, don't do a f**king thing".

Just mad way for us to be carrying on in our 40s.

Ah, yes, I feel that. Being trapped is an awful feeling. Good job on containing your anger! And how dare her, indeed.