thfcsteff
Terry Dyson
WHY WHATEVER HAPPENS, TOTTENHAM WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN ARSENAL
Enough 'intellectualizing' the beginning of the season, the squads, the formations, etc, etc, blah blah blabbity blah…let's just cut to the chase and tell you WHY Tottenham will ALWAYS be better than Arsenal. I won't even bother to include the obvious FACT that Arsenal are evil and Tottenham are not. So, without further ado...
1) Tottenham's name does not contain the word '****'. A victory before we've even started!
2) Arsenal were formed by a bunch of munitions workers in a place called Woolwich IN KENT! Which went on to become South London. When they decided to move to North London (the birthplace of Tottenham Hotspur in 1882) they pulled a series of shady moves to gain 'promotion' to the First Division. At Tottenham's expense. This is called cheating. Arsenal's owner at the time, Henry Norris, was to receive a lifetime ban from football later on.
3) Arsenal have often entertained criminals in their colors. From Peter '****o' Story to Paul Vassen's drug issues to Adams and Merson's alcohol and gambling issues respectively to luggage thief David Hillier, the club have often turned a blind eye to, shall we say, the less respectable members of society. Meanwhile, Tottenham have been clear and virtuous forever, often entertaining public figures of hope and light such as Mother Theresa and the Dali Llama as well as helping feed the hungry worldwide.
4) Tottenham are sexy, Arsenal are not. Proof? Tottenham's crest is a ****eral on a BALL standing PROUDLY ERECT. Arsenal's is a cheap looking cannon. Arsenal mean 'war' and Tottenham mean 'love'… find love is sexy, war isn't.
5) There has always been a near-untennable stench from Arsenal's home premises. It was particularly pungent at their former ground Highbury where noted sociologist and renowned Doctor, Peter Cook, would pass comment on ITV in discussion with Brian Moore in a vain effort to educate a misbelieving public. The smell got so awful that finally, the club themselves couldn't stand it and thus initiated a move to new premises under the guise of 'needing a bigger stadium.' The truth is they couldn't handle another season of reflective gagging every time they played a 'home' match. Cook, who is sadly no longer with us, deserves a knighthood for his brave observations on the matter.
6) The average Gooner is scientifically proven to have a worse sense of humour than their Tottenham counter part. Try singing 'you're **** and you know you are' or 'with a packet of sweets and a nice cheeky smile…' to them; their response? Usually a neanderthal grunt meant to form the words '****-off-caant'. But generally-speaking, they are easily placated with a grin, wink and a wave. An item of confectionary can also be used to appease most of them too.
7) Arsenal 'fans' have a higher degree of snobby entitlement which leads them be generally aggravating.
8) Arsenal have a higher degree of ****y celebrity fans compared to Tottenham. Arsenal 'boast' (and I use the term sarcastically) the likes of Piers Morgan and Rory Bremner. Tottenham proudly (and quietly too) number the likes of Jude Law and Charlie Watts as supporters.
9) Tottenham's mascot is the mighty Chirpy,a proud and wonderful ****erel. Arsenal's is the slow, dimwitted and absurd 'Goonersaurus' which has nothing to do with anything there unless they are planning on making themselves extinct soon (please please).
10) The average Arsenal supporter has as much style Roy 'Chubby' Brown at TK Maxx. The average Tottenham supporter, meanwhile, is often plucked from the streets and chosen to model clothes for all the major high street clothing retail stores due to their immensely good sense of taste and aesthetic class.
11) Gooners have no good songs at all, and even if they did, they don't really sing them because they don't sing (and when they do, it sounds like a mass cry of posterioral pain 'Arrrrrrseeeeeenal, aaaaaaarrrssssenal'. Meanwhile, Tottenham supporters always sound like a mighty choir of sound voice and mind, able to drop the humorous material as well as the stand-up mighty ones.
12) Whatever happens on match day, Tottenham supporters always win because they get to wake up the morning after as…Tottenham supporters! And the next day. And the day after that. Meanwhile, the miserable Gooner must wake-up knowing that whatever referee-inspired 'victory' they might have achieved, they will continue to wake-up each day as a Gooner, like some hellish infinite loop from which they seem unable to extrapolate themselves.
Oh dear, how sad.
COYS!
Enough 'intellectualizing' the beginning of the season, the squads, the formations, etc, etc, blah blah blabbity blah…let's just cut to the chase and tell you WHY Tottenham will ALWAYS be better than Arsenal. I won't even bother to include the obvious FACT that Arsenal are evil and Tottenham are not. So, without further ado...
1) Tottenham's name does not contain the word '****'. A victory before we've even started!
2) Arsenal were formed by a bunch of munitions workers in a place called Woolwich IN KENT! Which went on to become South London. When they decided to move to North London (the birthplace of Tottenham Hotspur in 1882) they pulled a series of shady moves to gain 'promotion' to the First Division. At Tottenham's expense. This is called cheating. Arsenal's owner at the time, Henry Norris, was to receive a lifetime ban from football later on.
3) Arsenal have often entertained criminals in their colors. From Peter '****o' Story to Paul Vassen's drug issues to Adams and Merson's alcohol and gambling issues respectively to luggage thief David Hillier, the club have often turned a blind eye to, shall we say, the less respectable members of society. Meanwhile, Tottenham have been clear and virtuous forever, often entertaining public figures of hope and light such as Mother Theresa and the Dali Llama as well as helping feed the hungry worldwide.
4) Tottenham are sexy, Arsenal are not. Proof? Tottenham's crest is a ****eral on a BALL standing PROUDLY ERECT. Arsenal's is a cheap looking cannon. Arsenal mean 'war' and Tottenham mean 'love'… find love is sexy, war isn't.
5) There has always been a near-untennable stench from Arsenal's home premises. It was particularly pungent at their former ground Highbury where noted sociologist and renowned Doctor, Peter Cook, would pass comment on ITV in discussion with Brian Moore in a vain effort to educate a misbelieving public. The smell got so awful that finally, the club themselves couldn't stand it and thus initiated a move to new premises under the guise of 'needing a bigger stadium.' The truth is they couldn't handle another season of reflective gagging every time they played a 'home' match. Cook, who is sadly no longer with us, deserves a knighthood for his brave observations on the matter.
6) The average Gooner is scientifically proven to have a worse sense of humour than their Tottenham counter part. Try singing 'you're **** and you know you are' or 'with a packet of sweets and a nice cheeky smile…' to them; their response? Usually a neanderthal grunt meant to form the words '****-off-caant'. But generally-speaking, they are easily placated with a grin, wink and a wave. An item of confectionary can also be used to appease most of them too.
7) Arsenal 'fans' have a higher degree of snobby entitlement which leads them be generally aggravating.
8) Arsenal have a higher degree of ****y celebrity fans compared to Tottenham. Arsenal 'boast' (and I use the term sarcastically) the likes of Piers Morgan and Rory Bremner. Tottenham proudly (and quietly too) number the likes of Jude Law and Charlie Watts as supporters.
9) Tottenham's mascot is the mighty Chirpy,a proud and wonderful ****erel. Arsenal's is the slow, dimwitted and absurd 'Goonersaurus' which has nothing to do with anything there unless they are planning on making themselves extinct soon (please please).
10) The average Arsenal supporter has as much style Roy 'Chubby' Brown at TK Maxx. The average Tottenham supporter, meanwhile, is often plucked from the streets and chosen to model clothes for all the major high street clothing retail stores due to their immensely good sense of taste and aesthetic class.
11) Gooners have no good songs at all, and even if they did, they don't really sing them because they don't sing (and when they do, it sounds like a mass cry of posterioral pain 'Arrrrrrseeeeeenal, aaaaaaarrrssssenal'. Meanwhile, Tottenham supporters always sound like a mighty choir of sound voice and mind, able to drop the humorous material as well as the stand-up mighty ones.
12) Whatever happens on match day, Tottenham supporters always win because they get to wake up the morning after as…Tottenham supporters! And the next day. And the day after that. Meanwhile, the miserable Gooner must wake-up knowing that whatever referee-inspired 'victory' they might have achieved, they will continue to wake-up each day as a Gooner, like some hellish infinite loop from which they seem unable to extrapolate themselves.
Oh dear, how sad.
COYS!
