what should I do with my life?

[Gutter Boy]

When you are either disillusioned or too comfortable it’s easy to lose your drive. It’s almost like the opposite of stress – I think in the literature it’s called ‘rust’. And rather than being refreshing, it actually really drains and wears you down.

Finding new motivation could be a new person/relationship (in older people it is often their children) or a new goal (to buy a car/house or achieve some particular personal or professional feat). For me in the past it has even just been getting towards the end of fixed-term contracts with no safety net in place. A friend of mine just became obsessed with doing ultra-marathons and his whole life has now re-orientated around them. Getting motivation back without an external prompt can be hard though.

As other have said, travel is definitively one way you can actively spark it. I would say you don’t even need to spend a big chunk of your savings doing this – just spend £1200 on one of those round the world tickets and go to four places for a week each – which could all come in a less than £2500. And if you have a good employer or can run two leave years together, you need not even quit your job. It’s not really about where you go, what you do or who you meet - it’s just about new provocations and having the space to reframe things. The last time I did one of these I came back and immediately removed myself from a particular professional situation – something I should have done long before, but had never been able to reflect clearly enough before I then.

 

[7percent]

So I was googling TEFL for the thousandth time looking for anything that looks legit. Found this website eventually and looks like it could be rewarding? If I got a TEFL qualification from one of these places then presumably I could use it in more countries?


What do you think? http://www.frontier.ac.uk/Qualifications/TEFL/TEFL.aspx

I messaged the ex the other day, an incredibly long message explaining that she dumped me in a really horrible way that took most of our friendship with it. I didn't blame her or get angry or call her names, I just explained how it affected me and I feel so much better for it. Don't know if we will be friends after everything that's happened..

I messaged an acquaintance I know earlier, he runs his own comedy nights. I asked him if he could find me a 5 minute spot and he's said yes so in the not too distant future I should be a 'stand up comedian'.

 

[sonchai]

I’m a bit of a later comer to this conversation/post, but I thought I had to post some kind of comment. after reading your posting. I have to say what you wrote, that was me back in the early to mid nineties. I’d been made redundant, split up with the girlfriend, and I was mopping around thinking of her all the time, plus living at home with my parents, I was going nowhere fast. I’d read about the years working holiday visa to Australia a few years earlier, so I thought now was the time to do it. So I I had nothing to lose, so applied and got a one year working visa. Best thing I’ve ever done ‘7 percent’. Go and get a Aussie work permit then head out there and have an adventure, enjoy yourself .

You’ll get work no problem, once you’re there, and you don’t know where that will lead to! It will open your eyes to whole new world, as other posts have pointed out.
If you feel adventurous fly to Bangkok spend a few months looking around South-East-Asia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Laos. Over land it down to Bali and fly to Aussie from there. Buy a ‘lonely planet guide book’ for South East Asia (you don’t really need one mind you, peace of mind) and go see part of this amazing planet we live on. There is life outside of the UK, one that’s full of red tape. Two days are never the same .
The people who saying about getting ‘TEFL’ before you go are spot on! There is a course you can do that, requires no ‘A’ or ‘O’ levels, just speaking English, I worked at a school in China for two weeks teaching English and it was great bed and board paid for, plus some spending money.

When and if you do come back, saying you’ve travelled looks good on your CV, I been to job interviews, where after five minutes the interview has been about my travelling experiences, and what I saw of the world.
Going to some get together, for some guy to tell you how to find yourself , is a load of “warlocks” to me! It is a waste of money. The ten pound you’re paying, that’s three nights accommodation in Vietnam with a few beers every nights, you’ll get more out of travelling that you ever will paying some guy to tell you how to lead your life. It’ not what you see while you travel it’s the people you meet along the way, it how you get from point “A” to point “B” and will shape you for future life.

 

[Jurgen the German]

Does anyone else hate it when you deal with customers or people within your company and they copy in managers/directors into emails just so they can see and get you in trouble after you've made an honest mistake?

Just needed to vent a bit regarding my career and this thread seemed like the most appropriate thread.

 

[Danishfurniturelover]

Does anyone else hate it when you deal with customers or people within your company and they copy in managers/directors into emails just so they can see and get you in trouble after you've made an honest mistake?

Just needed to vent a bit regarding my career and this thread seemed like the most appropriate thread.

Point scoring they call it. I tell people to **** themselves if they do it to me. It is why i lasted about 18 months for Thompson Holidays when i worked for them, the only corporate environment i been in.

Spit in their faces tell them their c*nts.

 

[thfcsteff]

Does anyone else hate it when you deal with customers or people within your company and they copy in managers/directors into emails just so they can see and get you in trouble after you've made an honest mistake?

Just needed to vent a bit regarding my career and this thread seemed like the most appropriate thread.

I sympathize. People like that are small and weak. I despise them and avoid them. Of course, a good boss will always spot someone who's honest (i.e. takes responsibility and admits an honest mistake) versus some snidey twerp who looks to divest themselves of responsibility/try to score points off others. Hopefully your place of work has smart people in charge...

 

[DHSF]

Does anyone else hate it when you deal with customers or people within your company and they copy in managers/directors into emails just so they can see and get you in trouble after you've made an honest mistake?

Just needed to vent a bit regarding my career and this thread seemed like the most appropriate thread.

To be honest I copy in my Director and I make sure my staff copy me in on emails especially when sending to clients - after all I am the client Manager. Two reasons, firstly I maintain control of whats happening out there on the 'shop floor' and secondly it helps with any disputes that clients may have. Its not about getting people into trouble etc it is about those reasons I mentioned but in an internal level its actually about covering your back.

But I agree about the whole issue. What is worse though is not the copied in emails its the BLIND copied in emails I detest - thats akin to stabbing you in the back in my view.

 

[Spursman]

I had the exact same thing. The stupid cow showed me up on email. I wrote back a brilliant Email basically telling her what u thought and why she had a need to try and show me up via email when all her facts were wrong.

My boss loved it!

 

[Jurgen the German]

The thing is though, in this instance I'm 95% confident I haven't done anything wrong, the customer is known throughout the company as being a pain in the **** and a ****ing idiot who doesn't know what he's talking about so he's copied in higher ups at my company. Hopefully I'll go in Monday and all will be well. I've only been at this job since January and I'm doing a role that two people used to perform but now it's just me and there isn't even people at my office who can help me on certain issues as the role was previously undertaken at head office.

I'm not sure if I've picked the wrong company and it's filled with people who are snidey or if all offices are like this?

 

[DHSF]

The thing is though, in this instance I'm 95% confident I haven't done anything wrong, the customer is known throughout the company as being a pain in the **** and a ****ing idiot who doesn't know what he's talking about so he's copied in higher ups at my company. Hopefully I'll go in Monday and all will be well. I've only been at this job since January and I'm doing a role that two people used to perform but now it's just me and there isn't even people at my office who can help me on certain issues as the role was previously undertaken at head office.

I'm not sure if I've picked the wrong company and it's filled with people who are snidey or if all offices are like this?

All offices have a political battleground within it - the trick is you need to really get a rapport going on with the higher echelons especially the person you are directly reporting to. I have done that and been with the current company for six years and my Director has backed me from the day he arrived five and a half years ago in everything from pay rises to when clients complain etc.

Everyone makes mistakes at work mate

 

[markysimmo]

Im really lucky in the fact that I love my job, have a fantastic family and set of friends, nothing really could be better

But, I fancy living in Oz, I know my specialist job is in demand and id get fantastic pay and have a fantastic lifestyle living in Sydney, I have a sabatical in Jan '15 and im intending to go to Oz for 6-8 weeks, find a job and start the sponsoring and emigration process

Even if I go for 2 or 3 years, what have I got to lose, Im not married or have children, have basically no debt, so why the hell not give it a go

 

[thfcsteff]

Im really lucky in the fact that I love my job, have a fantastic family and set of friends, nothing really could be better

But, I fancy living in Oz, I know my specialist job is in demand and id get fantastic pay and have a fantastic lifestyle living in Sydney, I have a sabatical in Jan '15 and im intending to go to Oz for 6-8 weeks, find a job and start the sponsoring and emigration process

Even if I go for 2 or 3 years, what have I got to lose, Im not married or have children, have basically no debt, so why the hell not give it a go

Do it.
Do it do it do it…no regrets mate, you have to LIVE life not ponder what it could've been when you're old...

 

[markysimmo]

Do it.
Do it do it do it…no regrets mate, you have to LIVE life not ponder what it could've been when you're old...

I know mate, be so hard to leave the family behind thats for sure...

 

[Thebarbarian]

I know mate, be so hard to leave the family behind thats for sure...

you get used to it Marky, and it can actually be a positive for you and your family. I have been here for 7 years now, I have been back to UK/Ireland several times but also my mum, sister, both brothers, nephew and various cousins have all been out to see us. It is a great excuse for them to get a good holiday and to see family. I know it is a cliche but the world is a much smaller place nowadays, flights are cheaper, quicker, there are many great places to stopover along the way so you get to see so much of the world.

 

[markysimmo]

you get used to it Marky, and it can actually be a positive for you and your family. I have been here for 7 years now, I have been back to UK/Ireland several times but also my mum, sister, both brothers, nephew and various cousins have all been out to see us. It is a great excuse for them to get a good holiday and to see family. I know it is a cliche but the world is a much smaller place nowadays, flights are cheaper, quicker, there are many great places to stopover along the way so you get to see so much of the world.

Yeh I know, it will be more hard on my parents as im an only child and im really close to them too, as you say at worst your a day away time wise coming back if anything happens too

 

[7percent]

Thought I'd update you lovely lot on what's going on with me.

I haven't progressed or found much direction yet, I've given myself a generous amount of time to sort myself out. Figure I should work the summer period, celebrate my 30th and then go see the world.

I went to that lead a passionate life talk on Monday, I felt nervous about going for some reason but when I got there it was fine. I don't usually go to talks/shows etc by myself. I think it would be good for me to go out by myself more and maybe actually talk to people next time.

Last night I went to a creative writing workshop, it wasn't amazing but it was nice to just be guided through doing some writing. I think someone earlier in this thread said that it was a good idea to try and write thoughts and emotions etc down. I think I might start a diary or a blog to help try and keep myself accountable.

On the subject of getting myself out of my comfort zone and being creative, tonight I am doing my first ever stand up comedy set. I e-mailed a comedy promoter I know a while back asking if he could fit me in somewhere and he was up for it. I love stand up comedy and I go to loads of shows. I feel quite good about it at the moment (will probably be bricking it by about 8pm). I've got a sort of Rocky mentality to it, I'm going to go the distance

 

[PochettinoPochettinoPochettino]

Yeh I know, it will be more hard on my parents as im an only child and im really close to them too, as you say at worst your a day away time wise coming back if anything happens too

Marky, Im thinking the same mate. I could have a job out in Sydney if I really tried as my uncle who lives there, his best mate owns a broking house and all I need to do is go on holiday there and have an interview. Im 31 now so would need sponsoring, but I need a change of life an dhave thought about it for so many years now but it would be hard to leave friends and most importantly my family.

 

[7percent]

I did stand up comedy last night. I was amazing.

 

[Aldo]

I did stand up comedy last night. I was amazing.

I don't get it.