Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

[Danishfurniturelover]

Do any of you have any "go to" books, articles or similar sources of information you use when emotions just get too fudging intense? I've been having suicidal thoughts in bouts when the emotions hit me too hard, and have been using the Letting Go book by David Hawkins to calm me down, but would love to hear if anyone here got any good advice on similar sources for when the thoughts get too overwhelming. I'm not suicidal, but can sometimes drive myself into a bit of a black corner where I just don't see any hope. I currently live at home with my parents who supports me no end, so no reason to worry, I will hold out and hold on and pray for better days. Just wanted to ask if anyone in here have some things you go to when things get really dark. Cheers.

Mate I'm on a fairly busy day but will check my PMs on a regular basis, ease contact me for any reason at anytime.

Therapy helps, can't think of any literature per say that helps. But intense exercise has always helped me. I don't know if your able to, but get to a gym, swimming pool or go for a long cycle ride.

Days I'm stressing I do a long I'm talking 8 hour cycle ride, it helps me.

 

[kb 1984]

Do any of you have any "go to" books, articles or similar sources of information you use when emotions just get too fudging intense? I've been having suicidal thoughts in bouts when the emotions hit me too hard, and have been using the Letting Go book by David Hawkins to calm me down, but would love to hear if anyone here got any good advice on similar sources for when the thoughts get too overwhelming. I'm not suicidal, but can sometimes drive myself into a bit of a black corner where I just don't see any hope. I currently live at home with my parents who supports me no end, so no reason to worry, I will hold out and hold on and pray for better days. Just wanted to ask if anyone in here have some things you go to when things get really dark. Cheers.

Sorry to hear you are having suicidal thoughts. In the past I would succumb to my thoughts. Now I put my favourite music my ears & go for a walk watch my favourite film call a friend & talk about anything sit down with your parents play cards or monopoly anything to distract you give yoga.a try. Remember this world is a better place with you in it. If you need to chat message me

 

[AuroRaman]

Do any of you have any "go to" books, articles or similar sources of information you use when emotions just get too fudging intense? I've been having suicidal thoughts in bouts when the emotions hit me too hard, and have been using the Letting Go book by David Hawkins to calm me down, but would love to hear if anyone here got any good advice on similar sources for when the thoughts get too overwhelming. I'm not suicidal, but can sometimes drive myself into a bit of a black corner where I just don't see any hope. I currently live at home with my parents who supports me no end, so no reason to worry, I will hold out and hold on and pray for better days. Just wanted to ask if anyone in here have some things you go to when things get really dark. Cheers.

Hey mate, I'm really sorry to read you're having dark moments. I know how overwhelming they are and can deeply affect the psyche to the point of hopelessness, restlessness and discontent. I'm glad you're speaking in here and asking for help, that's often the most difficult step to take. I know it's been quite a journey to your present day and I applaud you for your honesty and bravery. The great thing about this process is you get your feelings back. And the worst thing is you get your feelings back!

Apologies if you've already spoken about this but is meditation a practice you've tried? It's really helped me in times of overwhelm and set a solid foundation for other practices I use to help regulate myself. I used to pass it off as woo without understanding the practical benefits. It doesn't have to be an hour of complete silence trying to clear your mind, dressed in ancient Asian garments. This video was first suggested to me by a mentor and despite first impressions, it was a genuine game-changer. Plus it's only 2.30 minutes! From this starting point I now use the Calm app (paid subscription, obviously plenty of free online resource too) for either guided or timed meditations. 6 years in I still struggle to do anything over 15 minutes daily and often my head is still going during it, but I almost immediately feel the benefits:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY

I'd also recommend Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig. It's his personal story battling with depression and an anxiety disorder and a really easy and uplifting read;
http://www.matthaig.com/books/reasons-to-stay-alive-2/

Therapy helped me greatly too. I stumbled across the right person for me at the first try, which is unusual from accounts of people I know, so may need some perseverance. Like meditation, I was pretty anti-therapy until I tried it. Now I will happy-clap the brick out of it to anyone considering it.

Echoing Chich, if you are able to move your body in some way, get active. The endorphin release is free therapy and keeps your mind and body active. If you're struggling to leave the house, yoga or calisthenics is a great option. I use DDP Yoga, a great programme that combines the two and has helped me get fitter than I've ever been.

Keep talking my friend, there will be times of pain and overwhelm but doing as you're doing, being vulnerable, honest and looking to develop strategies to counteract those moments, will pay dividends. Small, simple steps create a bridge back to manageable thinking and living. Drop me a message anytime if you ever need to chat.

 

[Daisuk]

Hey mate, I'm really sorry to read you're having dark moments. I know how overwhelming they are and can deeply affect the psyche to the point of hopelessness, restlessness and discontent. I'm glad you're speaking in here and asking for help, that's often the most difficult step to take. I know it's been quite a journey to your present day and I applaud you for your honesty and bravery. The great thing about this process is you get your feelings back. And the worst thing is you get your feelings back!

Apologies if you've already spoken about this but is meditation a practice you've tried? It's really helped me in times of overwhelm and set a solid foundation for other practices I use to help regulate myself. I used to pass it off as woo without understanding the practical benefits. It doesn't have to be an hour of complete silence trying to clear your mind, dressed in ancient Asian garments. This video was first suggested to me by a mentor and despite first impressions, it was a genuine game-changer. Plus it's only 2.30 minutes! From this starting point I now use the Calm app (paid subscription, obviously plenty of free online resource too) for either guided or timed meditations. 6 years in I still struggle to do anything over 15 minutes daily and often my head is still going during it, but I almost immediately feel the benefits:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY

I'd also recommend Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig. It's his personal story battling with depression and an anxiety disorder and a really easy and uplifting read;
http://www.matthaig.com/books/reasons-to-stay-alive-2/

Therapy helped me greatly too. I stumbled across the right person for me at the first try, which is unusual from accounts of people I know, so may need some perseverance. Like meditation, I was pretty anti-therapy until I tried it. Now I will happy-clap the brick out of it to anyone considering it.

Echoing Chich, if you are able to move your body in some way, get active. The endorphin release is free therapy and keeps your mind and body active. If you're struggling to leave the house, yoga or calisthenics is a great option. I use DDP Yoga, a great programme that combines the two and has helped me get fitter than I've ever been.

Keep talking my friend, there will be times of pain and overwhelm but doing as you're doing, being vulnerable, honest and looking to develop strategies to counteract those moments, will pay dividends. Small, simple steps create a bridge back to manageable thinking and living. Drop me a message anytime if you ever need to chat.

Oh, man, you're such a star! Thank you mate! I love this post. Thank you. I try to meditate for 2 x 30 mins a day, it helps a lot on certain days, other days it seems like I'm just lost in thoughts. But it does help! I've been considering the Calm app or similar, so thanks for that! Matt Haig! I've stumbled upon him before. That sounds like something right up my alley. Thank you! I've just recently gotten a psychologist who is the first in my life that I've felt a good connection with, we got chemistry so to speak, so I'm really appreciative of that. He's excellent. I've also been walking a lot lately, and today decided I need to start running again. I also work out at a gym with my dad, which helps.

Thank you all for all the helpful advice and kind suggestions in here, my dear internet friends. You're awesome, and have seriously helped me a lot in dire days. This entire thread is just wonderful. Thank you thank you than you everyone. My stars. Wish I could buy you all beers one fine and beautiful day.

 

[Daisuk]

I have this huge fear of living by myself. I've never done it before. I turn 40 next year. But I finally need to learn to live in my own apartment by myself. I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of. Just the loneliness I guess. It's like there's a sadness to it that I can't bear. I've always lived with friends or lovers, but this time I need to find a flat on my own - there's really no other choice (need to have a space where my son can come and live with me every now and then, preferably close to his school so he can come hang out easily). It's not like I'm scared of burglars or anything like that, it's just the quietness of living alone, not having someone else in the house. Anyone here that can relate and have experienced similar? I want to challenge myself to just make it of course, a part of me is saying how hard can it be? And another part of me is terrified of the aloneness. Like I won't find the peace within myself to do it. It's like I'm projecting this restlessness and not being able to find calm all by myself as there's a sort of cold lonely sadness to it that I won't be able to bear. It's a bit odd. When I lived with my ex and my son, I enjoyed being by myself, and wouldn't mind if either of them were gone for a weekend for instance (quite frankly I'd love it a lot of the time). Maybe it's just my depression speaking. But this is like my main fear at the moment. I live with my parents now to alleviate this fear (and I can't stand living in the abandoned apartment we used to share that we're going to have to sell). Don't know what's wrong with me. Just feeling so frail. I really want to experience making it of course, being able to live by myself without having a panic attack from being alone - but right now it's like I can't picture myself living by myself. And living with friends just isn't an option this time. I need to make it. And I'm fudging scared of it. Just venting. Sorry for being such a pussy. I just like venting in this thread. Still have a couple of months I hope of building myself up while living with my parents. Hopefully becoming mentally stronger and capable of starting this new life of mine eventually. Hope you all have a great weekend! Really enjoying the Matt Haig book by the way, thanks a lot for the tip Auro!

 

[spurspinter1]

I have this huge fear of living by myself. I've never done it before. I turn 40 next year. But I finally need to learn to live in my own apartment by myself. I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of. Just the loneliness I guess. It's like there's a sadness to it that I can't bear. I've always lived with friends or lovers, but this time I need to find a flat on my own - there's really no other choice (need to have a space where my son can come and live with me every now and then, preferably close to his school so he can come hang out easily). It's not like I'm scared of burglars or anything like that, it's just the quietness of living alone, not having someone else in the house. Anyone here that can relate and have experienced similar? I want to challenge myself to just make it of course, a part of me is saying how hard can it be? And another part of me is terrified of the aloneness. Like I won't find the peace within myself to do it. It's like I'm projecting this restlessness and not being able to find calm all by myself as there's a sort of cold lonely sadness to it that I won't be able to bear. It's a bit odd. When I lived with my ex and my son, I enjoyed being by myself, and wouldn't mind if either of them were gone for a weekend for instance (quite frankly I'd love it a lot of the time). Maybe it's just my depression speaking. But this is like my main fear at the moment. I live with my parents now to alleviate this fear (and I can't stand living in the abandoned apartment we used to share that we're going to have to sell). Don't know what's wrong with me. Just feeling so frail. I really want to experience making it of course, being able to live by myself without having a panic attack from being alone - but right now it's like I can't picture myself living by myself. And living with friends just isn't an option this time. I need to make it. And I'm fudging scared of it. Just venting. Sorry for being such a pussy. I just like venting in this thread. Still have a couple of months I hope of building myself up while living with my parents. Hopefully becoming mentally stronger and capable of starting this new life of mine eventually. Hope you all have a great weekend! Really enjoying the Matt Haig book by the way, thanks a lot for the tip Auro!

First off, nobody here would describe you as a pussy for talking through your situation/ potential anxieties and I don't think you'd describe anyone else as a pussy for doing the same - So why are you doing it to yourself? I know it's not as easy as just stopping the negative self talk but do try to be kind yourself, it's a good habit.

As for you not "knowing what's wrong with you", from your updates it's clear you've been through a bit of a whirlwind with a hell of a lot going on. I bet a lot of it doesn't necessarily make sense either as it's still fresh. I hope it doesn't seem like me poking at you from times when you were unwell but it seemed like you had some fairly seismic changes in philosophy and thinking you had everything figured out (in terms of mystical secrets etc), it's hard to come down from that and takes adjustment + time to process - Be patient with yourself.

FWIW for getting a better sense of self worth I'll repeat my advice of getting a very low stress + positive environment volunteer situation where you can help out. Somewhere you can be upfront about your struggles but also somewhere you'll be appreciated and feel like you're making a difference. Having somewhere like that with a community feeling can be huge in terms of building a routine and self esteem. Find a local organization that works with social prescribing, I bet there's cool project things happening nearby where they could really do with your help. If you don't feel ready then fair enough but definitely look in to it.

The loneliness epidemic is a real thing, ironically even though we're all available all of the time via phones we've become more disconnected. By making connections with other people, whether that's a rambling society or hobbies where you meet up each week or catching up with family/ friends you're helping other people feel less lonely which in turn helps yourself. For me having moved to a new city in December last year, I been playing at a Warhammer club where I play games each week and it has been massive from a mental health perspective for a number of reasons, it's where I've made the most new acquaintances I'd want to hang around with. And it's something to do that involves using the brain, without it being centered around either pointless drinking or staring at a screen. I'm not trying to say that starting to play Warhammer will solve all your woes (especially as it's a fudging expensive hobby!!!!!) but finding something that ticks similar boxes that involves meeting decent people.

Ideally if you're busy / active enough it'll get to the point where the solitude of living by yourself is an absolute blessing as you can recharge your batteries without being weighed down by other people's flimflam in your place of rest.

 

[thfcsteff]

I have this huge fear of living by myself. I've never done it before. I turn 40 next year. But I finally need to learn to live in my own apartment by myself. I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of. Just the loneliness I guess. It's like there's a sadness to it that I can't bear. I've always lived with friends or lovers, but this time I need to find a flat on my own - there's really no other choice (need to have a space where my son can come and live with me every now and then, preferably close to his school so he can come hang out easily). It's not like I'm scared of burglars or anything like that, it's just the quietness of living alone, not having someone else in the house. Anyone here that can relate and have experienced similar? I want to challenge myself to just make it of course, a part of me is saying how hard can it be? And another part of me is terrified of the aloneness. Like I won't find the peace within myself to do it. It's like I'm projecting this restlessness and not being able to find calm all by myself as there's a sort of cold lonely sadness to it that I won't be able to bear. It's a bit odd. When I lived with my ex and my son, I enjoyed being by myself, and wouldn't mind if either of them were gone for a weekend for instance (quite frankly I'd love it a lot of the time). Maybe it's just my depression speaking. But this is like my main fear at the moment. I live with my parents now to alleviate this fear (and I can't stand living in the abandoned apartment we used to share that we're going to have to sell). Don't know what's wrong with me. Just feeling so frail. I really want to experience making it of course, being able to live by myself without having a panic attack from being alone - but right now it's like I can't picture myself living by myself. And living with friends just isn't an option this time. I need to make it. And I'm fudging scared of it. Just venting. Sorry for being such a pussy. I just like venting in this thread. Still have a couple of months I hope of building myself up while living with my parents. Hopefully becoming mentally stronger and capable of starting this new life of mine eventually. Hope you all have a great weekend! Really enjoying the Matt Haig book by the way, thanks a lot for the tip Auro!

First of all, no apologies, there's nothing to apologise for mate. You're being human.

Secondly, whilst in the safe space of your parents, I'd consider the following.
Get a sand clock, either a 5 or 10 minute one. Sit and directly face your fear. Imagine a table, Imagine it as an unwanted dinner guest who barged in. Invite it to sit. Feed it. Get to know it. Get to understand why. I have MY idea of what the fear is, but it is YOUR fear, so striop away all the outside stuff and live with it. If a 5 min sand clock, flip it. If a 10 min one, put the thing away and put the fears away. Then come back to them again the next day and repeat until you at least have a core understanding of what the fear is.

Thirdly, write down your positive and negative self-perceptions. What do you think of you? What is FACT and what is ASSUMPTION. How much of your negative self-perceptions are fact-based versus assumptions as to how you think you come across to people/friends/family/loved ones, etc? Anything which is an assumption? Wean yourself off it, because it is not helping you.

Fourthly, explore physical ways to make your living space (whether a room or flat) warm and comfortable to you. Lighting is important, scent/smells which calm you down and make you feel in a 'safe' space, maybe whilst you adjust, play music in the background (ambient or whatever). And when the fears come, don't ignore them, welcome them in and keep trivializing them, downgrade them from 'arrrgggh. fudge I am alone' to 'eh, well, nice to have a bit of peace and quiet but wouldn't mind a natter with someone' and then call a friend or plan to have a friend over a couple of times a week.

Your fears are justified because they're yours. They're valid because you experience them. But in order to gently place them where they deserve to be (lower down yout totem pole) you have to ask the fears themselves what they are and how they snakes/ladder you to darker places; and I will make an assumption here, and say I'll bet after that process, they'll seem like small lizards and not giant Godzillas. Good luck...

 

[kb 1984]

I have this huge fear of living by myself. I've never done it before. I turn 40 next year. But I finally need to learn to live in my own apartment by myself. I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of. Just the loneliness I guess. It's like there's a sadness to it that I can't bear. I've always lived with friends or lovers, but this time I need to find a flat on my own - there's really no other choice (need to have a space where my son can come and live with me every now and then, preferably close to his school so he can come hang out easily). It's not like I'm scared of burglars or anything like that, it's just the quietness of living alone, not having someone else in the house. Anyone here that can relate and have experienced similar? I want to challenge myself to just make it of course, a part of me is saying how hard can it be? And another part of me is terrified of the aloneness. Like I won't find the peace within myself to do it. It's like I'm projecting this restlessness and not being able to find calm all by myself as there's a sort of cold lonely sadness to it that I won't be able to bear. It's a bit odd. When I lived with my ex and my son, I enjoyed being by myself, and wouldn't mind if either of them were gone for a weekend for instance (quite frankly I'd love it a lot of the time). Maybe it's just my depression speaking. But this is like my main fear at the moment. I live with my parents now to alleviate this fear (and I can't stand living in the abandoned apartment we used to share that we're going to have to sell). Don't know what's wrong with me. Just feeling so frail. I really want to experience making it of course, being able to live by myself without having a panic attack from being alone - but right now it's like I can't picture myself living by myself. And living with friends just isn't an option this time. I need to make it. And I'm fudging scared of it. Just venting. Sorry for being such a pussy. I just like venting in this thread. Still have a couple of months I hope of building myself up while living with my parents. Hopefully becoming mentally stronger and capable of starting this new life of mine eventually. Hope you all have a great weekend! Really enjoying the Matt Haig book by the way, thanks a lot for the tip Auro!

your not a pussy. I have lived on my own since my marriage broke down in 2007. At first it was extremely hard living in a flat no kids running around no putting them to bed just me & four walls. For the first six months I would make excuses to stay at work I would do anything to not go home. Then with help of my two dearest friends I set a routine go home cook dinner for friends we would eat & chat then all go for a walk. I'd then come home put music on & sing along at the top of my voice to let all my frustrations out. GHod knows what my neighbours thought. Slowly but surely it was dinner & they would leave I would go for a walk till eventually it was just me it became my routine.Then at weekends I'd catch up with friends go swimming visit the national Park go watch sporting events I'd never seen.I even went to a local ice hockey game it was crazy & pretty violent. I joined a group to learn Spanish I still can't speak Spanish but the 10 of us catch up once a fortnight & have a great day/night. Now in 2023 i still have bad days sometimes bad weeks but that's my mental health problems not loneliness. I am content living by myself. Even when your on-top of it you will still have feelings of loneliness but eventually they will be less frequent. My recommendation would be to give yourself time do it in small increments don't try to do everything at once. be open to new experiences including what Steff has mentioned above & include your son where possible.

 

[kb 1984]

Below is a story of a wrong ADHD diagnosis & the concequences

Natalia started taking Ritalin. Then her career imploded and she lost access to her kids

In the space of 12 months, Natalia derailed her career, ended her relationship, spent $120,000 in savings and lost access to her kids. It started with an ADHD diagnosis.

www.abc.net.au

 

[glasgowspur]

I have this huge fear of living by myself. I've never done it before. I turn 40 next year. But I finally need to learn to live in my own apartment by myself. I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of. Just the loneliness I guess. It's like there's a sadness to it that I can't bear. I've always lived with friends or lovers, but this time I need to find a flat on my own - there's really no other choice (need to have a space where my son can come and live with me every now and then, preferably close to his school so he can come hang out easily). It's not like I'm scared of burglars or anything like that, it's just the quietness of living alone, not having someone else in the house. Anyone here that can relate and have experienced similar? I want to challenge myself to just make it of course, a part of me is saying how hard can it be? And another part of me is terrified of the aloneness. Like I won't find the peace within myself to do it. It's like I'm projecting this restlessness and not being able to find calm all by myself as there's a sort of cold lonely sadness to it that I won't be able to bear. It's a bit odd. When I lived with my ex and my son, I enjoyed being by myself, and wouldn't mind if either of them were gone for a weekend for instance (quite frankly I'd love it a lot of the time). Maybe it's just my depression speaking. But this is like my main fear at the moment. I live with my parents now to alleviate this fear (and I can't stand living in the abandoned apartment we used to share that we're going to have to sell). Don't know what's wrong with me. Just feeling so frail. I really want to experience making it of course, being able to live by myself without having a panic attack from being alone - but right now it's like I can't picture myself living by myself. And living with friends just isn't an option this time. I need to make it. And I'm fudging scared of it. Just venting. Sorry for being such a pussy. I just like venting in this thread. Still have a couple of months I hope of building myself up while living with my parents. Hopefully becoming mentally stronger and capable of starting this new life of mine eventually. Hope you all have a great weekend! Really enjoying the Matt Haig book by the way, thanks a lot for the tip Auro!

You're not a pussy.
As many people discovered during lock down loneliness can be devastating.
We are social animals and need that support and interaction with others.
Living on your own need not be a lonely life. As @kb 1984 describes there's lots of activities out there in the world, many of which are good opportunities to build new relationships.
That in itself probably seems scary, but new groups are likely full of people in the same situation as yourself, reaching out looking for company.
Best of luck, and who knows maybe this time next year we'll all be wondering where you are because you're too busy to post on here.

 

[Daisuk]

Thank you all! Having a terribly anxious weekend so won't respond to you all individually right now, but you're all awfully kind! Thank you! It really means a lot to me.