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Brand new Joke thread (Not all PC)

Discussion in 'Randomination' started by Roy1983, 14 Jan 2012.

  1. LemonadeMoney

    LemonadeMoney Les Ferdinand

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    I nearly had a threesome last night.
    All I needed were two other people.
     
    thfcsteff likes this.
  2. LemonadeMoney

    LemonadeMoney Les Ferdinand

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    A Scotsman and his wife walked past a stossy new restaurant.
    "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!"
    Being a kind hearted Scotsman, he thought "What the hell, I'll treat her"
    So they walked past it again!
     
  3. thfcsteff

    thfcsteff Willie Hall

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    Thanks to Lemonade and Kandi...much needed!!!
     
    Kandi1977 likes this.
  4. glasgowspur

    glasgowspur Les Ferdinand

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    Seems to me a lot of negative Scots stories/jokes/banter going on atm on here.
     
  5. scaramanga

    scaramanga Mel Hopkins Staff Member

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    You need to burn a few buildings and steal some trainers. Call yourself SLM and you'll get away with it.
     
  6. Baleforce

    Baleforce Steve Archibald

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    I think it’s a stretch to use the work “joke” in a lot of cases.
     
  7. glasgowspur

    glasgowspur Les Ferdinand

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    Was being kind, one the Scottish stereotypes you never hear of.
     
  8. NoLimits01

    NoLimits01 Scott Parker

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    I think for it to be called a stereotype it has to be a widely held image or idea of a particular type of person or thing
     
  9. glasgowspur

    glasgowspur Les Ferdinand

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    Of course we are kind, we gave the world,

    The telephone
    Tv
    Penicillin
    Steam power
    The bbc
    Pneumatic tyres
    Tarmac
    Iron ships
    Atms
    Cast steel
    Wire rope
    Dolly the sheep
    Susan boyle
    Chloroform
    Medical ultrasound
    Insulin
    Beta blockers
    Refrigerator
    Flush toilet
    Bovril
    Sherlock holmes
    Richard hannay
    Encyclopedia Britainnica
    Peter pan
    Jekyll and Hyde
    Long John silver
    Modern economics
    The bank of England
    Golf
    Dave mackay
    Billy connelly
    Deep Friday everything
    Heart disease (OK we didn't invent it, but we've perfected it)
    The bay city rollers
    Grounds keeper Willie
    Tractor beams
    Chief engineer scotty

    But best of all and only just discovered @scaramanga
    If it wasn't all a plot to keep us down then our kindness to world would have us held up as the colossus we are!
     
    thfcsteff likes this.
  10. scaramanga

    scaramanga Mel Hopkins Staff Member

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    FFS.
     
  11. JerusalemMan

    JerusalemMan Nick Barmby

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    Also works for Yorkshiremen
     
  12. glasgowspur

    glasgowspur Les Ferdinand

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    That was the Irish, along with their dodgy "whiskey".
     
    scaramanga likes this.
  13. scaramanga

    scaramanga Mel Hopkins Staff Member

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    It can also be spelled "Drunkards' slop"
     
  14. NoLimits01

    NoLimits01 Scott Parker

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    Not a good combo
     
  15. glasgowspur

    glasgowspur Les Ferdinand

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    Susan Boyle was only in to make sure you were still paying attention. One brings the other to mind though.
     
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  16. DTA

    DTA Tim Sherwood

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    Could have been worse.
     
  17. Bullet

    Bullet Steffen Freund

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    Who and what the actual flip are you talking about?
     
  18. Kandi1977

    Kandi1977 Les Howe

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    Everyone at John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined.

    Imagine.... all the people.
     
  19. Rock Strongo

    Rock Strongo dodgy Dave Goosegog

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    Oh the fjords, the fjords
    frankenstein-junior-gif-3.gif
     
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  20. thfcsteff

    thfcsteff Willie Hall

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    Man goes into a pub.
    "Can I have the wifi password?"
    "Have to buy a pint first."
    "OK...a pint of Guinness please."
    "Got it. That'll be 4.50."
    OK, thanks. Here ya go...now, can I get the wifi password?"
    "Have to buy a pint first, capital 'H' the rest lower case no spacing."
     

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