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The poo & guff thread...

Discussion in 'Randomination' started by GlennGoddle, 10 Feb 2012.

  1. GinolaGinolaGinola

    GinolaGinolaGinola Paul Stalteri

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    My wife wants me to have a colonic irrigation/hydrotherapy she thinks something has died inside of me and that I should get it out.

    Has anyone had one before? Does anyone want one? What do you thinks?

    I quite like having stinky farts and really bad bricks, as I do see it as a bit of pride coming out and having people nearly vomit from my stench. But I do realise that it’s a healthy thing to have nice clean poops.
     
  2. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    You lose a good 3-5lb of decaying brick that has been inside you for months
     
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  3. Rorschach

    Rorschach Erik Thorstvedt

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    Are you losing much weight?
     
  4. Parklaner81

    Parklaner81 Wilson Palacios

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    Is this from experience...?
     
  5. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    My mrs
     
  6. Parklaner81

    Parklaner81 Wilson Palacios

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    Like @GinolaGinolaGinola I'd considered the idea quite recently too, as I'm sure that my daily volume of flatulence is well outside of the normal range.

    Were they a bit of a fad though? A few years back you couldn't turn on the tv or open a magazine without hearing about them, but that doesn't seem the case anymore.
     
  7. GinolaGinolaGinola

    GinolaGinolaGinola Paul Stalteri

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    All I know is Serge from Beverly Hills cop had one and he said you see a candy bar from when you were a kid.
     
    Parklaner81 likes this.
  8. Gazza

    Gazza Milija Aleksic

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    Did it taste the same?
     
  9. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    Serial poopers: What makes people poo in public places?
    [​IMG]Image copyrightGETTY IMAGES
    Image captionSeveral "mystery poopers" have made headlines lately after defecating outdoors - or in other non-toilet locations
    This piece contains language which some might find offensive

    In parts of the world blessed with effective, modern sanitation, it's widely understood that poo belongs inside a person, or a toilet.

    But if you follow the news, you might have noticed an abundance of stories about "serial poopers": people who brazenly defecate in public, leaving shock (and, well, turds) in their wake.

    The latest case involves a businessman from Brisbane, Australia, who has been charged with creating a public nuisance after reportedly fouling the same private path up to 30 times.

    Are tales like these down to unfortunate medical conditions? Or is public pooing an extreme act of rebellion?

    We asked a psychologist and an anger management expert what drives people to drop their pants in public...

    'Soft or hard?'
    Professor Mike Berry, a clinical forensic psychologist at Birmingham City University, says rage, anxiety, a desire to send a message, alcohol or illness could all be responsible.

    "It's interesting," he says. "I've worked on cases where burglars have crapped in the house - and I always ask the police whether it's soft or hard. They look at me like I'm absolutely mad. And I say, if it's soft, then it's somebody who's anxious, so you get a kid who goes and craps on the bed. And if it's really hard stool then it's an indication of somebody who's angry and bitter about what he's doing."

    Another key question is: Does the culprit do it repeatedly in the same place? If they're regular (so to speak), "it becomes a message to somebody or some people," says Prof Berry.

    [​IMG]Image copyrightGETTY IMAGES
    Image captionAnger, a personal grudge or feelings of envy can all lead a "serial pooper" to target the same place (file picture)
    Obviously, there are unfortunate situations in which someone with an upset stomach or a more serious bowel condition might be unable to make it to the toilet in time. But looking purely at those who do it deliberately, we can divide the cases into one-off incidents, and systematic campaigns.

    A furious Canadian woman arrested last month appears to fall into the first category. She was caught on camera defecating on the floor of a Tim Hortons coffee house in British Columbia, then flinging the result at staff. It was later reported that they had refused to let her use the toilet.

    In the second category - that of repeat offenders - we find examples like the Colorado jogger dubbed "the mad pooper", who sparked a police hunt last year after defecating outside a family's home for weeks on end.

    'Fascination with faeces'
    While the experts won't comment on individual cases, they agree that "serial poopers" are often trying to stick two fingers up to the world.

    "Usually it's a statement like, 'Life is brick, so stand in it,'" says Mike Fisher, director of the British Association of Anger Management.

    "I mean, somebody who defecates in public has mental health issues. It's as simple as that. If you're socialised, that's the last thing that you would do."

    Mr Fisher notes that people who defecate in public may have scatological tendencies - or "a fascination with their own poo".

    "I remember being on a workshop many years ago when a French bloke told us how when he was a kid, he would actually brick in the bath and smear faeces all over himself," he says. "That is a classic example of scatology."

    And as an adult? "He's not smearing [it] all over himself, but he's still got the same fascination with his own faeces."

    [​IMG]Image copyrightGETTY IMAGES
    Image captionAttitudes to defecation can often be traced back to childhood
    The American Council on Science and Health says public pooing could also point to an elimination disorder - a kind of condition where urine or faeces are passed in places other than the toilet. The behaviour may or may not be within the individual's control.

    Caught short
    Every so often, a misplaced turd might just be the work of "someone who's halfway home from the pub," says Prof Berry.

    "The guy gets caught short, and he's learned he can go and crap on the lawn outside number 3 because there's nobody there, but he can't go and crap outside number 33 because it sets off an alarm system with lights flashing, etc!"

    [​IMG]Image copyrightGETTY IMAGES
    Image captionAlcohol lowers our inhibitions - and might sometimes be behind a public defecation episode
    Ultimate primal weapon
    Misbehaviour with faeces violates one of society's last taboos.

    If you doubt that, just look at the way poo is deployed in prison protests, where it functions as a primal weapon. No matter how powerless you might otherwise be, excrement is available (and disgusting) to almost all of us.

    "We have the famous cases in the 70s where IRA men used to wipe the walls with their faeces as a protest," notes Prof Berry.

    When it comes to stopping public defecators, the experts warn there's no single solution - and shaming them is definitely not the answer.

    [​IMG]Image copyrightPA
    Image captionIn the 1970s some inmates at the Maze Prison, near Belfast, deliberately covered the walls with excrement as a form of protest
    Mr Fisher says anti-social behaviour can be linked to trauma, which frequently stems from childhood.

    "I would say most cases [of chronic anger] that I deal with are directly linked to unfinished business from the past," he says. "Not only unresolved anger issues - it might be rage issues, it might be shame issues."

    How might that happen? He cites the example of a child who defecates in the family home and is severely beaten by one of their parents.

    "Trauma is going to be manifested in a whole range of cognitive dissonances, or physical acting-out."

    Maybe that's worth bearing in mind the next time a "phantom pooper", "faecal fiend" or "bowel movement bandit" hits the headlines.
     
  10. Kandi1977

    Kandi1977 Paul Walsh

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    Didn't read all of that article. Think I'll save it for next time I take a dump.
     
  11. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    I had Korean BBQ for lunch yesterday, had to spend the night on the couch as my farts were just so loud and so noxious
     
  12. Robbo

    Robbo Steve Carr

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    Today I contemplated for at least a few minutes whether or not to take a picture of my poop. I opted not to, but a part of me regrets it. Here's why:

    This was a public toilet, and I bent forward doing the deed to avoid unneccesary contact between my butt and the porcelain (there was no toilet seat). That, and the fairly eruptive nature of my brick, meant a big part of it stuck to the back wall of the toilet rather than plumping into the water.

    As I stood up for the second wipe, I took a look to assess the situation in the bowl. Seeing my creation was amazing. Looking back at me, all brown and fuzzy, from the back wall of the toilet bowl, was an anatomically correct sh*t squirrel. Big, curly tail and all, with one of the beans I ate yesterday as its snout.

    It was a masterpiece. A work of art. A work of fart, actually

    If I knew I could take a photo of it and make sure my wife, kids or anyone else I meet regularly would never intentionally or accidentally see it, I would've done it in an instant. But the stigma of being caught with a poop photo - of my own poop - was just too frightening. Terrible visions of accidental Facebook uploads and Snapchat stories disrupted my judgement, and I chickened out.

    I knew my friends and family would never understand me. They would never see the beauty in that small, stinky rodent son of mine. I know you guys would though, and I wish I could've shown him to you, but with a heavy heart I had to flush that amazing creature down the drain. It was a really tough decision to make, and I felt awful.

    Now all I have left are the memories. I will treasure them and those few, precious minutes we had together, for as long as I live.

    Rest in peace, sh*t squirrel. You will always have a special place in my heart.
     
  13. Bullet

    Bullet Christian Ziege

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    Don't worry Rob, I got it all on secret camera
    [​IMG]
     
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  14. Robbo

    Robbo Steve Carr

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    That's him! <3
     
  15. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    My farts literally smell like liquid fertiliser tonight, my mrs is really not pleased
     
  16. Kandi1977

    Kandi1977 Paul Walsh

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    I had a brilliant session on the throne today at work. Sat down and it flowed out like from a soft ice dispenser, and it curled up like a spiral down in the bowl. Must have been close to one meter in total. It looked magnificent! Maybe not quite a masterpiece like Robbos squirrel, but I Was quite pleased, and had a big grin on my face when I left the cubicle.
    I thought of throwing the paper in the bin and not flushing, so the next person could enjoy the spiral turd, but decided not to.
     
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  17. Daisuk

    Daisuk Frederic Kanoute

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    How many times do you usually wipe? I tend to have to do it like 20 times to get it all off, and then bleeding and blah. Think I got hemmoroids now! Ffs. Then it gets sore and itches all day long. My Donald Trump is a catastrophe. The name of my biography.
     
    Last edited: 16 Aug 2018
  18. Kandi1977

    Kandi1977 Paul Walsh

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    How many wipes are needed, is usually opposite proportional to the amount of toilet paper available.
     
    Last edited: 17 Aug 2018
  19. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    I have to use moist toilet wipes now
     
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  20. monkeybarry

    monkeybarry Dean Richards

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    Recently got diagnosed with IBS.
    It's annoying, but get to do some cracking shots.....I love a good brick.
     

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