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The poo & guff thread...

Park Lane James said:
I'm fine when doing a dump but struggle sometimes with tinkling in a urinal (stage fright) unless I'm bursting for a tinkle. Having a slash at football can take a while sometimes!
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I can understand that, though don't have that issue. However, the bar I was at last night only had one door between the toilets and the outside. That's bang out of order. I don't want outsiders watching me take a tinkle...especially the birds I'm trying to chat up 8)
 
Marmite Farts.

Those one in a million occassions when you drop a fart and then a table spoon of marmite falls out of your arse.

The Horror!
 
A guy at my work used to hide in a cubicle, wait til someone walked in then drop a pretty heavy stone in the water and shout "oh fudging hell!". He was sacked after doing it when the boss walked in.
 
So full of wind this afternoon, i reckon ive just farted 100 plus times on the train home, massively loud too, good job i was standing up on a noisy train
 
yiddo2786 said:
A guy at my work used to hide in a cubicle, wait til someone walked in then drop a pretty heavy stone in the water and shout "oh fudging hell!". He was sacked after doing it when the boss walked in.
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What a total idiot...an idiot who has just had me cracking up, but an idiot nonetheless!
 
Jordinho said:
The more sensitive among us will always lay in a thick layer of paper to avoid any splashing noises when using a public toilet. Followed by a quick courtesy flush.
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It must be my age...when using the porcelain throne in a public toilet, I actually hope and pray for a noisy affair that might force a grunt or sigh out of me. When at the urinal, I no longer try and keep my farts in, instead ripping loudly regardless of who's around...
 
I caramelized some onions last night as a topping for the burgers I made.

Onions make my ass-air extremely pungent.


And that's the story of how the onion made me cry twice.
 
tommysvr said:
I can understand that, though don't have that issue. However, the bar I was at last night only had one door between the toilets and the outside. That's bang out of order. I don't want outsiders watching me take a tinkle...especially the birds I'm trying to chat up 8)
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Afraid they might see your acorn and do a runner?
 
After 3 years 2 of which living together I still put toilet roll in first to mute the sound and run the tap so my Missus doesn't hear me brick. Still embarrassed. Going doctors Monday though got the whole blood thing going on lately and that advert freaked me out so getting it checked.
 
Roy1983 said:
After 3 years 2 of which living together I still put toilet roll in first to mute the sound and run the tap so my Missus doesn't hear me brick. Still embarrassed. Going doctors Monday though got the whole blood thing going on lately and that advert freaked me out so getting it checked.
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Good luck Roy, hope its not what you fear.

Probably the one time you actually hope its a broken pile.
 
Well i made a pretty gorgeous sausage casserole tonight using spicy sausages from my local butchers. It was hot but really enjoyed it...

My arsehole however, does not enjoy it one bit!! Actually feels like someones holding a lighter to my balloon knot!
 
Had a sickness bug since saturday afternoon, never been so violently sick so many times so quickly

Well its worked its way out of me now, I can honestly say Ive never done such loud and smelly farts as I currently am, got to head into work too for a morning meeting, not nice
 
Made a huge poodoo this morning at 5am... had to go so badly that I woke up because of it. Could hear the thing banging around in the pipes on the way down.
 
Just had a nap for 2 hours and I think ive nearly gassed myself, had to cut myself out of my room haha

Fabreeze is needed
 
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