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The poo & guff thread...

Discussion in 'Randomination' started by GlennGoddle, 10 Feb 2012.

  1. GlennGoddle

    GlennGoddle Andy Sinton

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    ....I'm surprised Marky hasn't started this thread again,the last was a great success.

    Anyway,I'm usually a 2 a day man myself,one when i wake up,one about 10pm approx.

    However,I have just laid a cable that must have been touching 30cm. Now I always put bog roll down before the job & this fudger torpedoed through the paper. I didn't know it was a monster until after i had flushed & the paper had gone and said anaconda was still there,goading me.

    It took 8 flushes for it to slide away. Record for me. I would have used the bog brush but who uses them in their own house? They're purely to save guests blushes;who wants to leave a floater round their mates?

    I have just polished off a rack of BBQ ribs & mexican rice too,hopefully tomorrow mornings flushing won't be so time consuming.

    Who doesn't like talking brick? :D
     
  2. papaspur

    papaspur Pascal Chimbonda

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    pics?
     
  3. GlennGoddle

    GlennGoddle Andy Sinton

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    I thought about it. This beast would have won awards
     
  4. DHSF

    DHSF Les Ferdinand

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    I think we all should put pics up of every brick taken. Starting from tomorrow.
     
  5. papaspur

    papaspur Pascal Chimbonda

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    This ain't any old poo thread! We need to set up some standards!

    Next time, please post:
    -pics from various angles
    -weight (in Courics, of course)
    -total length of the coil (if several pieces, add the lengths up)
    -interesting tidbits about the turd ("I don't remember eating that...")
    -any resemblances or likenesses found in the creases and folds (i.e., "these particular crease patterns bear a remarkable resemblance to Jack Wilbrick's face")
    -distinct smells
    -the diet that resulted in said poop
    -time to completion

    :D



    p.s. please tell me you've seen the south park episode where Randy breaks the record
     
  6. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    How immature !!!!
     
  7. Gordinho

    Gordinho Banned

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    I'm a bit gutted, I've laid some magnificent cables over the last few weeks, whatsapped them to my mates but then decided to tidy up the gallery on my phone the other day and deleted the lot**.

    Whenever I lay a particularly firm cable (for example, harder than Mrs Thatch on the blob) and it has a fine length and girth does this mean that it automatically follows that I could take The Full Chich if the situation called for it?*




    *I'm not entirely sure what particular situation could arise that would require me to take The Full Chich but bear with me just for the sake argument.

    **I did however find this gif of a lump of brick in my photobucket album.
     
  8. southstand1882

    southstand1882 Mitchell Thomas

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    Had 2 bricks before I went to bed last night, then 3 bricks within an hour of waking this morning

    I love hot chilli's but I have a bit of an intolerance, so they fudge me up bad

    3 scotch bonnets did me this time

    might have a brick on the train tomorrow
     
  9. papaspur

    papaspur Pascal Chimbonda

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    just made one, nothing special. those are the worst ones, where you damn near pull the towel rack off the wall and grunt like a woman in labor. then to your surprise, you realize all that work you exerted was something a hamster could have done.
     
  10. El Guepardo

    El Guepardo Steffen Iversen

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    Or when you grunt and groan and the veins in your head throb, to the point you're expecting to redecorate the bathroom with the contents of your head, rather than pass anything... and then a bit breaks off and falls in! You're left with still struggling with the rest and it drops in like rabbit pellets!

    Usually when they are the big long ones, they just slide out and you're more amazed that that was what you managed to pass. And then you try to flush the toilet and it just sits there staring at you. A piece of toilet art that wants to be preserved by a photo on here apparently? Rather than just flushed off to the coast.
     
  11. GlennGoddle

    GlennGoddle Andy Sinton

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    Paragraph 1: :lol: I Usually struggle with this situation after a heavy session & the poo leaving your body is as dehydrated as you are...

    Paragraph 2: That is exactly what I had to deal with earlier. I should have been prepared,it felt like i was bricking out an intestine;the "exit" went on for a steady 15 seconds minimum. Saying that,i was genuinely shocked by the sheer size of this turd after the andrex had dispersed,it was a monster. It is the first time that i have verbally said "for fudge sake just go away" after having a brick.

    As i said earlier,I had a rack of ribs & mexican rice for dinner. Followed by about 10 pints of cider tonight. I'm guessing tomorrow morning won't be as solid...
     
  12. Charliedup

    Charliedup Allan Nielsen

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    You REALLY thought that post out didn't you? =D>
     
  13. papaspur

    papaspur Pascal Chimbonda

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    Just saying, some people adhere to standards.

    [video]http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155640/crap-verification[/video]
     
  14. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    On the floor or actually in the toilet ???
     
  15. Fhtagn

    Fhtagn Radek Cerny

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    Hrmpf, I thought this was a thread with some good fapping material :(

    Have had some pretty nasty bowels since I left europe, there was a couple of days in Nepal where I thought I was going to die, the neverending flow of feces was almost too much, and the brick was never once solid. The 7 hour bus to Kathmandu wasn't very fun. Also had a hard time in Saigon, but at least I could walk about and act like a human being.
    The feeling when you take your first solid dump after days with ass tinkling is fudging brilliant, you feel like a new man.
     
  16. markysimmo

    markysimmo Johnny nice-tits

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    Ive suffered with my pooing habits since I had my bowel resection for my Crohn's back in 2000, at the same time they cut out 3 ft of Crohn's inected bowel they also removed my appendix and my gastric valve..

    Basically the gastric valve is a valve in the body that stops any more waste from entering the bowel when its full, i.e you have a full bowel you poo, gastic valve moves the bowel fills up again and then the whole process repeats itself..

    As I dont have a gastric valve I had to take 4 immodium tablets every day and will do for the rest of my life, not an issue as when i take these it binds me up so I dont have to poo 25 times a day, I do have to watch what I eat and drink though, and obviously when you drink it inflames everything inside you so aggrevates me, also some oils that food is cooked in affects me too with this meaning I literally have to poo straight away after eating

    Crohn's is so more prominent than it was when I was originally diagnosed 20 years ago, then it was 1 in every 50,000 people with it, now its 1 in 3,500 !!!! thats scary, more to do with all the crap in the air, all the crap in our food preservative, additive wise and also how bad our diets lifestyles are these days
     
  17. Dayo

    Dayo Chris Armstrong

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    On a brighter note, I had my first pain free turd in about three weeks yesterday.
     
  18. Gordinho

    Gordinho Banned

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    Brilliant post, a travelogue included. Sir, I applaud you. =D>=D>=D>
     
  19. GlennGoddle

    GlennGoddle Andy Sinton

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    Serious cider bricks today. I do hate that burning feeling you get in your gut the day after spicy grub & a load of drink
     
  20. GlennGoddle

    GlennGoddle Andy Sinton

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    Marky,that is some heavy stuff mate
     

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