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Parental rights morally

Discussion in 'Randomination' started by Grays_1890, 22 Apr 2019.

  1. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Milija Aleksic

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    New development, its my weekend to have my son and she is saying that due to all that has gone on she would like him this weekend. SO I lose my weekend with him because of all that has happened which was caused by her and her BF.
     
  2. nayimfromthehalfwayline

    nayimfromthehalfwayline Jack Jull

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    Absolutely not. fudge her- its your weekend.

    Why should you lose out because shes an idiot? And why should your son?
     
    galeforce likes this.
  3. nayimfromthehalfwayline

    nayimfromthehalfwayline Jack Jull

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    Either that or you get the next two (assuming you normally alternate)
     
    Parklaner81 likes this.
  4. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Milija Aleksic

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    Yeh we alternate.

    I feel now that being too nice has been taken the tinkle out of. I have not had a message since last weekend on it all not an explanation on it all or a sorry for not telling you etc.

    Wasnt told he was going, wasnt told he was coming back with this guy, wasnt told he had not even left the country till late and now I lose a weekend because of "all that happened" like its somehow my fault.
     
  5. Parklaner81

    Parklaner81 Wilson Palacios

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    This is what makes situations like this (and so many others) so difficult to deal with. I actually think you handled things in pretty much the best way possible from what I've read however, it seems to be an unfortunate fact of life/human nature that being nice, 'reasonable' and understanding so very often leads to the tinkle being taken...
     
    ricky2tricky4city and MKSpur like this.
  6. nayimfromthehalfwayline

    nayimfromthehalfwayline Jack Jull

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    Might not be helping mate, but if it were me Id be going absolutely ape brick right now.

    There is only so much tolerance that is fair, before people are basically just taking advantage.

    Of course you want to keep a civil relationship for the sake of your son, but it seems to me like she is just abusing that fact now.

    I dont know her, so could be well out of line - but she doesnt sound at all reliable and she certainly doesnt seem to care for you or your part in this.

    That is something I would personally be very concerned about. And if going absolutely mental now and setting a few things straight puts that in line then it could well be worth it.

    The alternative being - she knows she can take the tinkle whenever it suits her...
     
  7. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Milija Aleksic

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    I think its probably time to get some legal lines drawn up
     
  8. 90291Spur

    90291Spur Frederic Kanoute

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    I'm really sorry to hear of all these problems you have to deal with and hope it all resolves itself.

    If you feel she's trying to wind you up and get a rise out of you my feeling is it's best not to react that way. Get advice on what your actual rights are and come at these awful, upsetting problems from a solution-based mindset. In the long run it gives you the best chance of the outcome you want PLUS you are demonstrating to your son the correct, rational approach that benefits him the most.
     
    DTA likes this.
  9. Glenda's Legs

    Glenda's Legs Vedran Corluka

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    It's a difficult one as you have clearly tried to take the high ground and let things pass for the sake of your son, where going by the facts you have presented, you would have been well within your rights to kick up a hell of a fuss.
    And re this weekend, it probably comes down to your son, again. Has he "suffered" (wrong word perhaps) or is he feeling sad, by not seeing his mum for the past week (or however long)? If so then biting one more bullet for his sake might be the right course in this instance, but you should agree some extra time with him in return. Alternatively stability and routine might be what he needs most, in which case you stick to the agreed schedule. It's difficult to comment from the outside.
    Either way, you do need to have a conversation, sooner rather than later, to set the ground rules. It is absolutely wrong, where you have joint or shared custody, for one parent to take a child out of the country without the other parent knowing, whatever the circumstances. Full stop. No excuses, no exceptions. Obviously if you can have this conversation and come to resolution through mutual agreement then so much the better. But if you need to take it legal you have that option (at least to clarify your rights if nothing else), but try one-to-one first.
    What is your relationship like with your ex's mother? Or any other close relative of your ex? Just trying to think whether there are any intermediaries you can rely on to help support things from your perspective?
    It sounds like your ex knows she has messed up but is happy to avoid having to discuss it. This is where you taking the nicely, nicely approach vs challenging it head-on becomes a tightrope balancing act. Good luck.
     
  10. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Milija Aleksic

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    Well this weekends update would be WW3, so naturally my son was upset to leave his mum Friday having just had 2 days with her as she has been away, something that would have been avoided had this not all been a mess, and low and behold I get a barrage of abuse for it all. Lovely

    Then come Sunday when I drop him off I get abuse round 2. Such a lovely lovely weekend
     
  11. nayimfromthehalfwayline

    nayimfromthehalfwayline Jack Jull

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    You need to remember, repeat as mantra if necessary - you have done nothing wrong here.

    She is the one fudging things up, and lashing out at you doesnt change that.

    In your shoes I would be looking at a way to impress upon her the situation as it REALLY is so she understands. Sounds like she isnt capable of hearing it in conversation so if that means getting the lawyers in or something then so be it.

    Obviously you know her better, so maybe you have other ideas of what might work, but I think its clear this cant continue...
     

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