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Parental rights morally

Discussion in 'Randomination' started by Grays_1890, 22 Apr 2019.

  1. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Gerry Armstrong

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    Yeh and I hope that is the case because I don't really want my son stuck at airports or in distress.

    My worry will be him coming back on his own with him because the birth certificate will not help as his name is obviously not the dad on there and a letter signed by the mum could easily be a forgery and seen as such unless its been witnessed by a solicitor. Thats according to my mate who works for Markel
     
    thingonaspring likes this.
  2. Aldo

    Aldo Bobby Mimms

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    Did this get answered?
    How long is she staying out there for work?

    My view is that you absolutely must do whatever you feel you need to do to make yourself happy with arrangements. You have to. Don’t feel like you’re being precious or petty. If you don’t, and there’s a problem, you’ll never forgive yourself.

    Hope you can work it out.
     
  3. elyid

    elyid Neil Ruddock

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    @Grays_1890 Stumbled on this thread, had some similar issues myself.

    Unless one of you has a court order declaring them the primary carer (most people don't) then the law is you need permission from the other parent. Within the EU it's a crime to take a child abroad if the other parent objects -- reason being, some parents might say its a 1 week holiday and then bugger off for good.

    In reality, that's all quite extreme and nobody wants to call in international police :)

    Most problems of this nature are likely just caused by someone being "an arse" and just needs better communication.

    I was advised for my solicitor to send a letter but thought this was overkill, so just politely told my daughters mum. Also we have a rule to tell each other plans/schedules directly rather than through our daughter, this helps a lot and we do it via text/email so it's in writing.

    Regardless of the law, my experience is that if someone wants to be a **** then unfortunately they will be. Best to try to not let it get to you and just state your position in a calm way.

    I find mum has been more chilled out the older our daughter gets (from absolute nightmare, to almost smooth sailing) so hopefully you have the same. Good luck!
     
    monkeybarry likes this.
  4. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Gerry Armstrong

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    I have an unbelievable update.... Cut and paste from a text I received an hour ago. Name removed for obvious but D is the BF and F my son.

    "Been meaning to text but been so upset over last few days that I couldn't talk. Basically long story short is that D•~=±“ had a nervous breakdown on way to airport (been brewing for a few weeks/if not months but didn't know it was that bad) and Emirates wouldn't allow him to board (correct and right decision as I didn't want F£¥€$ around that for five days).. they rebooked me onto the night flight but had to return with F£¥€$ back home as had no one to take him back. Hence to say relationship is finally over. Main thing is friends and family rallied round and F£¥€$ is absolutely fine and happy now as people are taking him out etc until I get home. Really don't want to talk about it anymore until I see you and explain all but thought you should know .. I'll be taking F£¥€$ away again to make up for this fudging disaster"

    So where to start? The guy trusted bringing my son back was mental and known to be mental!!!!

    My sons back in te UK when I've literally just mentally adjusted to him being away...

    Everyone knows this and rallying around but me because I've been told F-all..

    Rather than calling the work trip off (I know her boss he is cool) and staying at home with our son because naturally he is devestated she takes the night flight out when this portion was holiday anyway and her work don't start till Sunday.

    I've been out and live In Essex my sons in Surrey so I can't drive tonight but I called her mum and said I'm picking him up tomorrow to make sure he is ok and cheer him up. Ultimately and its weird I've got this mad sadness over me now, this sence of real hurt for my son that made me well up tonight because in that situation when he was excited to go away (hence why he talked about it) what is he thinking now?

    I wish this was a joke and when I read it back it sounds mad...wow
     
  5. the dza

    the dza Christian Ziege

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    The main thing is, your son is ok.

    As far as your ex goes, as much as you have every right to be phucked off with her, I'd give her a sympathetic ear right now (even though she might not deserve it). Because if you do that, then you can also make your case (nicely) that the boy should stay with you if she has any of these strange travel arrangements on the horizon again. And hopefully, this situation can then be avoided in the future.
     
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  6. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Gerry Armstrong

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    Yeh despite the initial anger and confusion of which a the confusion still remains its my son that's key.

    I'm off to see him tomorrow and if I'm honest I can't wait...no point scoring nothing more than operation cheer up for him...
     
  7. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Gerry Armstrong

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    My mate said kill her with kindness now, let it all settle and when the times right lay the rules firm but fair so this never happens again
     
    JerusalemMan, DTA, Craig_J and 3 others like this.
  8. ricky2tricky4city

    ricky2tricky4city Vedran Corluka

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    I'm hoping when I have a mental breakdown my girlfriend/wife just walks away and terminates our relationship:(...:rolleyes:
     
  9. ricky2tricky4city

    ricky2tricky4city Vedran Corluka

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    What was she thinking....now she's revealed this.

    At least it puts your mind at ease. You know where your lad is and can step in and rescue his weekend

    (Get to the Lane by 12.30....everyones a winner:D).
     
  10. MKSpur

    MKSpur Andy Sinton

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    I think you’ve been very reasonable all round and I empathise as I have first had experience with how difficult the situation is for everyone. If it’s just the two of you it’s easy to either lose your rag or just not speak, but the little man comes first which means sometimes you have to bite your tongue for the greater good which is exactly the way you seem to have played it which I know must have taken a lot of restraint.

    When the dust has settled I think you should offer draw up some rules to help ‘both’ of you know where you stand in future, basically the same standards for both of you. For me the rules were no taking abroad without prior notice, no non family member babysitting, with first option given to the other partner and no introduction to new (long term)partners until the other partner has been informed /introduced.
     
  11. ricky2tricky4city

    ricky2tricky4city Vedran Corluka

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    Sounds reasonable to me

    Why do some have to be pr1cks about this kind of stuff?
     
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  12. monkeybarry

    monkeybarry Dean Richards

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    400% this.
    Everyone is "ok" for now.
    Sounds like it was an all round mess - that happens and can severely affect rational decision making.

    Grays - if you can, try and see this as an opportunity to build a better way to communicate. She screwed up; a constructive and empathetic approach will do alot more than a blame approach.
    Her BF (ex?), obviously had issues (most of us do - see the thread on here) that became too much. The fact it's broken them up suggests a real strain recently (you don't break up with someone for having a bit of a breakdown) - which probably affected her decision making. Perhaps that in itself is a good platform for you both to work as a team in a different way to help raise your son?
     
  13. Parklaner81

    Parklaner81 Bobby Mimms

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    Or not, as it turned out!
     
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  14. Bullet

    Bullet Christian Ziege

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    That's quite amazing for that fella not to be allowed on the flight, must have been ranting and raving or hammered or climbing the walls or trying to spot the lizard people? Good luck, sounds like all will be OK in the end, but what was she thinking?
     
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  15. Craig_J

    Craig_J Terry Fenwick

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    I can't believe she said its been brewing for sometime and they've had issues and she was still fine to have him bring your son back.

    Cherry on the cake!
     
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  16. LemonadeMoney

    LemonadeMoney Frederic Kanoute

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    I wouldn't believe anything she says.
     
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  17. SpurMeUp

    SpurMeUp Chris Perry

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    Mate, focus on your son. Give him all your love and support. You can’t control what your ex does. But it sounds like your kid needs you.


    Sitting on my porcelain throne using glory-glory.co.uk mobile app
     
  18. Grays_1890

    Grays_1890 Gerry Armstrong

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    Yeh that was my initial reaction.

    Like a few have said I am going to show compassion to a level but will be laying down ground rules for future, in a good way not in a forceful one. This won't be happening again. I saw my son at the weekend and he was devastated that he was unable to go on his holidays and was even more upset his mum was away. I am safe guarding him against stuff like this where it cane be avoided. Things happen thats life and we are not all perfect but this could have 400% been avoided or made better.

    Thanks so much all on the advise and sorry for the ranting, this forum has helped me to talk about it away from family bias and kept my powder dry which has been so good for me. Been able to step back and take a big picture view.
     
  19. JerusalemMan

    JerusalemMan Jonathan Woodgate

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    Mate, you haven't ranted.
    You've haven't gone off on one to any degree and, based on what you've been recounting, it would have been understandable if you had.
    Seems you've been graceful under pressure yourself.
    If you keep that up, you will surely reap benefits as shall your son by the example he sees you setting.
     
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  20. Parklaner81

    Parklaner81 Bobby Mimms

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    Speaking as a son of a father who abjectly failed to set an example worth following in a broadly comparable situation, I can vouch for this 400%.
     
    Last edited: 30 Apr 2019
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