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John Askew

Boonie

Ramon Vega
Great DJ but some of the brick he posts on Facebook is brilliant!

Examples:

1.
Dear Snow,

I feel sad to be writing this letter to you - especially after all the fun we've had together over the years. Some of the best times of my life have been with you!However - when I woke this morning to see you were back I have to be honest - I wasn't filled with the same sense of joy I had during those amazing white Christmases we spent together back in the early 80s - you remember the ones? The joy we had building tunnels in your massive drifts on the side of the road by my parents house? Wow. Great memories.

But then there were all the times when you weren't there when I needed you. Remember that Ski trip to the alps when you never showed up!
I love you but you can be so cold sometimes.

I still care for you and I'm not saying we should never see each other again, but I just think, what with it nearly being Spring, it might be an idea if we had a little time apart?

I just don't want to commit all of my affections exclusively to one season.

Yes it's a cliche - but absence really does make the heart grow fonder - so let's try 8 months apart and see where we're at in November - yeah?

I'm hoping you can be chilled about this.

It's not you - it's me.

J


2.
Kevin Bacon is on our televisions a lot at the moment. He's the face of some phone provider's new advertising campaign here in the UK (I can't remember which one - the ads are fun and well put together but they clearly aren't effective enough to allow the brand name to penetrate my primitive brain).

Now I'm ok with these ads. In fact I'd go so far as to say I like them and I like bacon in them. He looks cool and plays his part well.

But it wasn't always rosie between Bacon and I. No sir.

Yes he shares his name with one of my favourite foods - which scientifically should have set us on a course for potential amicable coexistence.

But then in 1984 I had the misfortune of accidentally seeing "Footloose" (older sister + friends to impress so no choice but to sit there with "enthusiasm").

It's hard to put into words the effect this film had on me or the dislike for Bacon that was born from the experience of watching it. In all the films I saw subsequently with him in - I just couldn't get the image of him in his outrageously tight jeans strutting his stuff at a cowboy saloon.....
Scarred for life.

The first time I saw Footloose was painful and i had no intention of repeating the experience.

But - over the years I found myself in several situations (girlfriends to keep happy etc) where I had no choice but to endure more "Bacon sizzling" as he vented his anger towards the local community (who had made dancing illegal) by driving out to a remote rural barn to have a jolly vigorous secret dance - all by himself.

I couldn't put my finger on it but this man, his acting, his face, his snake like hips - just got on my fudging tits.

It's a secret I've kept to myself for many years. But now - as old age softens me I feel the time is right to come out and tell you all that because of these recent TV commercials I've managed to resolve my deep rooted issues with Bacon. I would go so far as to say I think, as an older crispier bacon, he's matured, become pretty cool and yes - I like him.

I like and embrace older crispy bacon.

Today was a good day.
 
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