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Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

Discussion in 'Randomination' started by Danishfurniturelover, 24 Oct 2016.

  1. parklane1

    parklane1 Andy Thompson

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    Sounds pretty normal to me mate, apart from dancing in the shower ( although i do sing in the shower).
     
  2. Bullet

    Bullet Christian Ziege

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    Yes you can
     
  3. Danishfurniturelover

    Danishfurniturelover Cecil Poynton

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    Don't know if it is the nights getting darker but was feeling well glum this week.

    Been a bit preoccupied with my own thoughts this week and wrapped up in my own mind.

    One of the issues of Parkinson's is that it changes your brain and your more prone to behave in an obsessive way.

    This last week I spent 5000 grand buying and building work tools for my garage to have a proper workshop in there because I was planning on making some chairs and doing some recessed shells in my lounge.

    The wife says I am acting in a manic and obsessive way. I trust her more then gone in the world but I have this constant tight feeling of stress in my heart like I want to get loads of tasks done and all done quickly.

    She is suggesting about taking my bank cards away till I control.the spending after I was looking at a 2 grand wooden work bench.

    I have my Parkinson's help group Friday maybe this will help. I like talking with them, weirdest thing I have found with the disease is change in behaviour, I only feel relaxed when I sleep and I rarely sleep.

    Been having to do so much exercise every day just to make myself feel tirder. So I can actually sleep of an evening.

    Not sure if it the disease or depression but have this feeling in my chest of constant tightness and my mind is always racing worrying about my son and whether I have been a good father, whether I have done enough with my life. Now I'm.wondering whether Louisa is right and I'm behaving odd. I trust her but I feel in control it is hard someone telling me things are getting worse when I feel kind of the same and can't see it.

    Sorry for the ramble.
     
  4. 90291Spur

    90291Spur Frederic Kanoute

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    No need to apologize, mate. So sorry for the challenges in your life. When things are bad it is the easiest thing in the world to wonder about things you have done/not done in life. PM me anytime if you want to communicate. You, your family, and custard are in my thoughts.
     
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  5. Rorschach

    Rorschach Erik Thorstvedt

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    Make your workbench your first project. 2k is a bit much for something that is going to get battered. Google a few plans.
     
    Last edited: 12 Sep 2018
  6. ricky2tricky4city

    ricky2tricky4city Vedran Corluka

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    A lot of how you're feeling is linked back to your diagnosis.

    Consciously or sub-consciously it's 'put you on the clock', it's making you question who you have been and what you will be. The tightness is anxiety from either getting things done, so you can move on to the next thing (remember that clock is ticking) or from always wanting to be (figuratively) somewhere else, because the right here and now is a bit painful.

    Keeping yourself busy is a sign of constantly distracting yourself on purpose. There can be many things you don't want to look at within and discuss with yourself (or others), and that's ok, things take time and it when you're ready. You're good at recognising your patterns, quirks and nuances:)...so at least you know there is something 'going on'.

    It more than likely you need to come to terms with your fate and that could be personally but also your nearest and dearest.

    Living in the moment is the key....and annoyingly we all find that so hard to do. It's harder for you due to your situation BUT your support group is a great starting place. I wish you well my brother.
     
    90291Spur likes this.
  7. Bullet

    Bullet Christian Ziege

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    Sounds like you are going to spend £7k to make some furniture which you could buy for £2k. Does sound like fun but I think you're splashing rather a lot of cash which would have taken a lot of hard work to earn in the first place. Can't you use cheaper tools, you know those truly skilful old dudes that make wooden items from old hand tools? That would be impressive.

    My dad has a mixture of Lewy body dementia and Parkinson's and he also needed to be stopped from doing some fairly outlandish things as his disease progressed and he didn't fully appreciate the extent of it - we had to take his car keys off him and he got seriously angry looking for them, threatened his wife, long story.
     
  8. Danishfurniturelover

    Danishfurniturelover Cecil Poynton

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    Cheers for the responses fellas. Just been having a bit of a wobble I guess.

    Think last couple of nights I might of even been having panic attacks.

    Feel better today, went into work which I enjoy because I love D.I.Y. and talking to some of the customers, think some of the old boys come in just for a chat. B&Q really ought to do cafes in their stores they would make a killing with all the older timers that like to chat. Think it is why the bosses like me, I stayed half an hour after my shift finished this morning helping a customer just because I liked talking to them even though I had clocked out.

    Not sure what is going on with the compulsions it is like you have to be on your guard the whole time and when your going along thinking everything is fine that is when it is worse because it creeps up on you, I hear alcoholics say similar so I think I can empathise with them more now then I used to.

    Im very lucky that the wife is actually a therapist and to be frank a saint. But I have been reading a lot recently about self sabotage and I feel that I am a personality that is prone to doing that, I guess the is some of that in all of us. But I have been reading about it and the are so many times I have been thinking that describes me or events in my life down to a t.

    Think mental health is a bit like physical health you can take it for granted once you have got better and think you dont need to pay attention to it anymore, but almost like being on a diet and losing weight, if you dont pay attention the weight creeps back up. I have been fine mentally for a good 6 months and then the last week was pretty awful, two nights ago I was actually just crying for no reason in the middle of the night. Think I am back on track now, you can never rest with this thing though even when you think you got it beat. I feel like I let myself and family down a bit but know that I can focus on that or I will feel worse again, just wish I could know quicker when an episode is coming.

    Weird thing is physically I am in the best shape of my life, the weakness in my left arm is only slight and I have been smashing the swimming every morning bar sundays, working in the gym 3 times a week and eating well, few drinks but nothing major. Think mental health should be more talked about, of course we talk about it in here a lot and I think you guys are great I really do. But imagine how many people are not fulfilling their true potential because of mental health, anxiety and depression.

    I would advise anyone to look into self sabotage and see if it applies to them, it has me nailed on and I dont think it is all just about my parkinsons anymore.
     
  9. Mosquito_Coasting

    Mosquito_Coasting Ronnie Rosenthal

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    All the best, mate
     
  10. Daisuk

    Daisuk Frederic Kanoute

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    Been down in the dumps again lately myself. fudging hate my job and trying to get out, but it ain't easy with the contract I've got. Hopefully I'll be able to get out by summer. I just need a change, been working at the same place for 6 years (a government institution), and I'm dead fudging tired of it. Crux is, the government is paying for my education, and I'm supposed to work at the workplace I'm currently at for two more years after the finished education (as a payback). But I just can't fudging do it. So I'm now trying to make the government understand that it doesn't matter where the fudge it is I work for them, as long as I work for them, they'll still get their money back one way or another, and I can't see how it's any gain for them to have a demotivated worker at one place, when I could be perfectly happy and more motivated another place. They're stubborn as fudge though, for some reason, so it's a fudging drain to go through this process. Push comes to shove I'll end up owing them brickloads of cash, but I hope it doesn't have to come to that.

    Anyways, it's just draining. Doing a job you can't fudging quit, and just sinking deeper and deeper down in the mud, and all the brick that comes with it as well - losing faith in my abilities to do my job well, questioning whether I've chosen the right career path, seeing all kinds of dark and glum future scenarios. fudging depression, just fudge off. Hoping the process moves along soon.
     
  11. SpurMeUp

    SpurMeUp Chris Perry

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    Hang in there mate. This time of year can often feel like everything is ontop of you. Be positive and persistent with the managment, and maybe write a letter to higher up managers, especially if you can outline your excitment for another role and oppotunity.

    Feeling similar myself at the moment. I think I need more time outside, a holiday, massage or someone mentioned a spa weekend. Anyone tried them or have a suggestion :)
     
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  12. Danishfurniturelover

    Danishfurniturelover Cecil Poynton

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    Keep your chin up @Daisuk trying talking to them, mediation helps in situations like that.

    Between the end of August and the start of October I spent far far to much money on nothing. New work tools, watches and mindless crap I dont need. It was like a compulsion. It is funny enough a symptom of my disease. But I also think it is because I did not have enough to occupy my mind.

    When I have done jobs I hate I focus on outside of work and sleep walk through the actual work and just think about life outside of it.

    Not sure what sort of personality you are but I am the sort that I need to be active and have stuff on the go all the time or I course mischief for myself. I am currently learning Italian which for someone with my lack of academic background is hard going.

    Give your mind something fresh to occupy it and I think you will do better. I am not an oracle with mental health and anything I have learned I have done so the hard way and I continue to make mistakes.

    Just shy of the 3rd year anniversary of being diagnosed and I am still here, fudge you depression and parkinsons.
     
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  13. Danishfurniturelover

    Danishfurniturelover Cecil Poynton

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    We are off to Gambia at the end of the November, mate look into it, 7 hour flight from Gatwick lots of sunshine and cheap as chips.

    For fear of falling foul of Scara I hardly dare say this but I go for accupuncture in Hove once a week, it is drop in and only costs £35 I always come out feeling better. Tree of life in Hove. Wonderful place and they are so great and caring in there, I also do Pilates in the rainbow room on a Tuesday with Clare. That one place has done so much for my mental health. Find a place near you that does similar.
     
  14. Daisuk

    Daisuk Frederic Kanoute

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    Cheers! I can definitely sympathize! I feel like I'm sleepwalking through work as well, just thinking about stuff to do when I'm done working (or lately, just daydreaming of quitting and doing something entirely different, but options are sparse) - which in turn makes me cut corners and do my work sloppy, which I beat myself up over and tell myself I'm crap at my job and shouldn't be working with it, and it's too late to get another education at 34, and life sucks and will suck until I die ... etc. Can also relate to the mindless spending - I've compulsively spent brickloads of cash over the past few years on music gear. I use it though (and find making music absolutely blissful at times), so it's not completely unnecessary, but I think the yearning to spend definitely comes as a biproduct of the depression. In periods where I don't feel depressed, I don't feel as drawn to buying stuff.

    I started meditating in the summer, and I've done it regularly (mostly daily) since then - it feels like I've benefited some from it in periods, but overall it hasn't helped much (yet).

    Occupying the mind is definitely sound advice though! I try to. Ironically, when I'm depressed, it's hard to find joy or interest in anything, so taking say a language course or like a carpentry course or whatever just feels like an unnecessary mountain to climb (although it might be beneficial obviously).

    I think for me, it's about just changing jobs first and foremost, getting a confirmation that I can do that in the summer, and then spend the time between now and summer to try to build my confidence somewhat, as it's just shot. I just feel completely incompetent, even though I have proof that I'm not. Can't shake the feeling and the belief though, for some fudging reason.

    Anyways, sounds like you've found sound ways to deal with your brick. Glad to hear it, and hope you stick with it! Learning new stuff is great. :)

    @SpurMeUp - thanks, mate - I've decided I'm going to change jobs no matter what, even if I just have to repay them all I would owe them, as I simply can't just stay in the job to save cash and potentially end up offing myself for just hating day to day living too much. Also, you're probably right on the fall thing, I normally feel quite blue around october/november, worst time of year. I just feel like sleeping all the time, but can't.

    Finding a line of work you actually enjoy though - fudge, I don't know why it's so hard. I just can't stand most jobs in the long run.
     
  15. SpurMeUp

    SpurMeUp Chris Perry

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    Gambia is a great shout. Was there about 12 years ago. If its still running, well worth spending a couple of days at a Chim Rehab centre! I kid you not. It's where the PG tips chimps end up :D and baby Chimps they find in markets that aren't able to look after themselves in the wild https://www.gambia.co.uk/chimp-rehabilitation-project

    When I went, had to hire a driver for 3 days who travels with you, then you stay in a plush cabin in the trees. No electricity, but you don't notice, a boy brings you tea at dawn, and you hear the jungle and hippos as you sleep. It was awesome.
     
    Last edited: 31 Oct 2018
  16. glasgowspur

    glasgowspur Vedran Corluka

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    I've never really spoken about it outside of my wife and a few trusted colleagues, but I suffer with depression and anxiety.
    About two years ago I started going for a massage at least once a month and it works wonders for me.
     
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  17. nayimfromthehalfwayline

    nayimfromthehalfwayline Ian Walker

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    @Daisuk , there is a similar condition where I work. They pay for your professional qualification, and then you are tied in for a period - else you have to pay it back.

    I wonder, if its the same where you are - is paying it back doable? Even if you had to fund it with a loan or something - you might be able to make the freedom to move for yourself.
     
  18. Daisuk

    Daisuk Frederic Kanoute

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    Yeah, I mean, I get that they want their investment back, and that's not really my qualm. The thing is, I'm paid by the government (or you know, the local constituency where I live), and they have literally hundreds of institutions they own and run. So they're basically one large corporation, if you will, only state owned. So my argument is, as long as I work for them, why should it matter exactly where? My "expertise" is needed plenty of places in my local community, and there are quite a few people with my education around, so replacing me shouldn't be a problem at all, and for me to find a new work in another institution owned by the government should also be piece of cake. So it's the stubbornness to tie me to a place where I hate working that irks me, when I would get the same type of pay by the very same employer somewhere else, where I might enjoy working. So, the way I see it, it's a win win to just sort of transfer me to some other institution where there might be more interesting things for me to do (I know of a few already), and they'd still get their investment back. :) But I just sent a mail to my boss today explaining the situation, and hoping there's a way to find a solution.

    If not, paying it back would be doable, but it would also be sizeable, so not preferable, when I can just "pay it back" somewhere else. But we'll see, they're not known for being flexible, hah.
     
  19. nayimfromthehalfwayline

    nayimfromthehalfwayline Ian Walker

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    Well good luck to you mate! Your view doesnt sound unreasonable to me, so perhaps they can do something.

    Might be worth bringing HR into play at some point, I know in my place plenty doesnt happen because middle management kill things at their level without even asking beyond them what is doable.

    Talk of pay rises etc, the bosses here say "Oh that will never get signed off" and literally then dont ask, but get someone from HR on the line and suddenly its a different story...
     
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  20. Daisuk

    Daisuk Frederic Kanoute

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    Oh, yeah, absolutely, sound advice, thanks! :) My boss is actually quite reasonable, I get a feeling the bottleneck is further up the system, but push comes to shove, I'll get HR involved. :)
     

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