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Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

It was pretty easy actually. Also I have an evening with work on Thursday and everyone is asking if I am "out". They are quite gobsmacked that i have said I dont think I can make it, and are trying to persuade me but I am going to stick to my guns and either say "my mrs is out and I need to look after my son" or that I cant come as I am not drinking. Either way, it's good that they want me out but also good that I an now seeing that i don't need to go out or even drink.

Perhaps be honest with them and tell them you wish to stop drinking,

I am sure they would still invite you, but I bet they would encourage you to drink soft drnks. I bet people are more willing and supportive then you give them credit for.
 
I was just about to say the same thing Danish.

At my old job, one colleague said he doesn't drink any more, he stopped a few years ago because he didn't like the person he became, he got into trouble etc. Nobody batted an eyelid, in fact they all just took it for granted that he didn't drink.

Ditto in my new job, someone there very rarely drinks, for the same reasons, perhaps he will have one very rarely but no more... just be honest and "own it". They will probably say "yeah I can see why you would stop, you go crazy when you drink, are you really sure?" and then you just laugh it off and agree and say you can't because you get too crazy and that's that.
 
Perhaps be honest with them and tell them you wish to stop drinking,

I am sure they would still invite you, but I bet they would encourage you to drink soft drnks. I bet people are more willing and supportive then you give them credit for.

This. For many years i ( like most folk) used to drink a lot, i was riding with bikers and like most they enjoyed a party. It was getting to become a problem and i started getting into the Darkness episodes on a regular basis and it was getting worse.

The first time i was out with the guys i said i was sticking with water ( instead of the JD/Tequilla which were my favourite) i got a lot of stick and funny looks but i explained what i had decided to do and they understood and were fine about it. Other friends i had were not and used to take the tinkle but at the end of the day they were not ( imo) worth being called friends if they did not understand. So screw them.
 
yeh maybe honesty is the best way, but I’m too open with them I tell them everything. I told a few of them about the incident in Portugal which I’m not sure if I should have. They already know I’m a nightmare when I drink but I’m quite entertaining for them (laugh at me type) but I’ve been trying to get away from being that type of person that for over 15 years now but to no avail.

I think this week I’m just going to swerve it as its too soon for me to just go and have a coke as I know I’m too weak. I want to just not go to any type of event for a while and just see if I can go without drinking. Maximum I’ve done is probably 3 weeks before but I just want to stop completely at this moment in time. Obviously there could be set backs along the way but for now I just don’t want those opportunities to be there for me if that makes sense.
 
yeh maybe honesty is the best way, but I’m too open with them I tell them everything. I told a few of them about the incident in Portugal which I’m not sure if I should have. They already know I’m a nightmare when I drink but I’m quite entertaining for them (laugh at me type) but I’ve been trying to get away from being that type of person that for over 15 years now but to no avail.

I think this week I’m just going to swerve it as its too soon for me to just go and have a coke as I know I’m too weak. I want to just not go to any type of event for a while and just see if I can go without drinking. Maximum I’ve done is probably 3 weeks before but I just want to stop completely at this moment in time. Obviously there could be set backs along the way but for now I just don’t want those opportunities to be there for me if that makes sense.

You have to deal with it ( and have every right to do so) which ever way works for you. As i have said before today is the first day of the rest of your life, you have a great wife and a young one that needs you so that is your target. Anyone else ( be it work, leisure mates, friends) are in all honesty low down the list of folks you have to worry about.

Do it for your family but most of all do it for yourself.
 
It was pretty easy actually. Also I have an evening with work on Thursday and everyone is asking if I am "out". They are quite gobsmacked that i have said I dont think I can make it, and are trying to persuade me but I am going to stick to my guns and either say "my mrs is out and I need to look after my son" or that I cant come as I am not drinking. Either way, it's good that they want me out but also good that I an now seeing that i don't need to go out or even drink.

Sounds perfect. Know your limits, take baby steps, and keep your resolve.

I think people often try to do too much too soon with lifestyle changes. Be that fitness/diet/giving up smoking or more serious things - people burn themselves out.

Ultimately if your intention is a lasting change, then you need to accept it will take time to achieve. And to keep going over time is the hardest part, so I think this is a wise choice.

As an aside, I think I may have mentioned this a while back, but I found not drinking for a period actually made it really horrible to drink afterward.

In my case I was losing weight, counting calories, and alchohol was just to calorie rich for me to have, so I cut down massively.

Once I reached a weight I was happy with I allowed a few drinks here and there, and found a few things:
  • I got drunk really easy.
  • I got hangovers without even being drunk.
  • Even a couple of pints and I couldnt sleep, up all night tinkling, as if Id been on the lash.
  • Generally feel really rough on it.
All because I abstained long enough that any tolerance I had faded.

Why am I going on about this? Because, for me at least, its made my relationship with drink far healthier. I still love a beer but I just dont ever WANT more than a couple. Ive mastered the art of the "odd pint" and cant remember the last time a "quick drink" turned into a bender. Essentially, because Im rubbish with it, it keeps itself in check!

I would hope maybe you find something similar, if you can lay off long enough for that initial period.
 
Sounds perfect. Know your limits, take baby steps, and keep your resolve.

I think people often try to do too much too soon with lifestyle changes. Be that fitness/diet/giving up smoking or more serious things - people burn themselves out.

Ultimately if your intention is a lasting change, then you need to accept it will take time to achieve. And to keep going over time is the hardest part, so I think this is a wise choice.

As an aside, I think I may have mentioned this a while back, but I found not drinking for a period actually made it really horrible to drink afterward.

In my case I was losing weight, counting calories, and alchohol was just to calorie rich for me to have, so I cut down massively.

Once I reached a weight I was happy with I allowed a few drinks here and there, and found a few things:
  • I got drunk really easy.
  • I got hangovers without even being drunk.
  • Even a couple of pints and I couldnt sleep, up all night tinkling, as if Id been on the lash.
  • Generally feel really rough on it.
All because I abstained long enough that any tolerance I had faded.

Why am I going on about this? Because, for me at least, its made my relationship with drink far healthier. I still love a beer but I just dont ever WANT more than a couple. Ive mastered the art of the "odd pint" and cant remember the last time a "quick drink" turned into a bender. Essentially, because Im rubbish with it, it keeps itself in check!

I would hope maybe you find something similar, if you can lay off long enough for that initial period.

Mate I know what you mean. At the moment I am thinking about a drink all the time, but in a good way like when I watch Coronation Street (Mrs makes me honest), I see them drinking and I think "eurgh, thats rank". I ask myself why are they wanting a drink all the time? I know I will fancy a drink at some point but right now I really don't even want one. As you say, you felt healthier and I do now even though its been 7/8 days since the last drink (and ultimate breakdown).

I really do appreciate all of you that have helped me the last week, it really means something to me as even though I have never met any of you I know you mean what you all say and ultimately care to take the time out to respond. I think this will make me a better person, less angrier, more happier, more happier for other people and less cnuty. I do want to be the best dad to my son and husband to my wife and friend to my friends and sibling to my family.

I am thinking of taking up the following:

- Piano lessons
- Painting (im pretty good at drawing anyway but never taken it further)
- Yoga (as mentioned by some on here)

And I am also concentrating on my fitness in my gym and at a local gym. All is well, for now.

GGG
 
Good for you mate.

Just remember, if its long term change it takes time.

The gym - ease into it, enjoy it, and Id recommend finding a plan to follow (the structure is important).

Hobbies - amazing, brilliant idea. Make sure you do it to enjoy it though, not to distract, otherwise you will struggle to stick with it.

One day at a time. Eventually you will realise its been a month, and at that point - is it worth drinking? After a while itll be longer and that question has even more weight.
 
Boring you all now but after some intense pressure from people at work to come out tonight, after the sun coming out and making it a glorious day, I have decided to not go out for the work drinks. People kept asking me if I had decided what to do, and I was umming and ahhhhing. I train it to work so the control is with me. But I have done what’s best for me my son and my wife. I didn’t get to see much of him last night as he went to sleep early. Now I think I have earned my wife’s trust and can just relax and be happy that I have passed the first test.
 
Boring you all now but after some intense pressure from people at work to come out tonight, after the sun coming out and making it a glorious day, I have decided to not go out for the work drinks. People kept asking me if I had decided what to do, and I was umming and ahhhhing. I train it to work so the control is with me. But I have done what’s best for me my son and my wife. I didn’t get to see much of him last night as he went to sleep early. Now I think I have earned my wife’s trust and can just relax and be happy that I have passed the first test.
You're not boring me at all. If this forum is a safe place for you to be honest with a bunch of knobs like us, then keep coming back. And congrats on another day of good decisions.
 
Sounds perfect. Know your limits, take baby steps, and keep your resolve.

I think people often try to do too much too soon with lifestyle changes. Be that fitness/diet/giving up smoking or more serious things - people burn themselves out.

Ultimately if your intention is a lasting change, then you need to accept it will take time to achieve. And to keep going over time is the hardest part, so I think this is a wise choice.

As an aside, I think I may have mentioned this a while back, but I found not drinking for a period actually made it really horrible to drink afterward.

In my case I was losing weight, counting calories, and alchohol was just to calorie rich for me to have, so I cut down massively.

Once I reached a weight I was happy with I allowed a few drinks here and there, and found a few things:
  • I got drunk really easy.
  • I got hangovers without even being drunk.
  • Even a couple of pints and I couldnt sleep, up all night tinkling, as if Id been on the lash.
  • Generally feel really rough on it.
All because I abstained long enough that any tolerance I had faded.

Why am I going on about this? Because, for me at least, its made my relationship with drink far healthier. I still love a beer but I just dont ever WANT more than a couple. Ive mastered the art of the "odd pint" and cant remember the last time a "quick drink" turned into a bender. Essentially, because Im rubbish with it, it keeps itself in check!

I would hope maybe you find something similar, if you can lay off long enough for that initial period.

Same with me now, mate. More than three or four and I’m up all night tinkling and struggling with a bad stomach. I really enjoy a couple of pints but that’s it for me. Another of the benefits of middle age.

Mate I know what you mean. At the moment I am thinking about a drink all the time, but in a good way like when I watch Coronation Street (Mrs makes me honest), I see them drinking and I think "eurgh, thats rank". I ask myself why are they wanting a drink all the time? I know I will fancy a drink at some point but right now I really don't even want one. As you say, you felt healthier and I do now even though its been 7/8 days since the last drink (and ultimate breakdown).

I really do appreciate all of you that have helped me the last week, it really means something to me as even though I have never met any of you I know you mean what you all say and ultimately care to take the time out to respond. I think this will make me a better person, less angrier, more happier, more happier for other people and less cnuty. I do want to be the best dad to my son and husband to my wife and friend to my friends and sibling to my family.

I am thinking of taking up the following:

- Piano lessons
- Painting (im pretty good at drawing anyway but never taken it further)
- Yoga (as mentioned by some on here)

And I am also concentrating on my fitness in my gym and at a local gym. All is well, for now.

GGG

You sound as if you are thinking about this in totally the right way, GGG. Great stuff.
 
Same with me now, mate. More than three or four and I’m up all night tinkling and struggling with a bad stomach. I really enjoy a couple of pints but that’s it for me. Another of the benefits of middle age.

Its funny, really. If you told me that was going to happen before hand Id have hated it. If you told me that actually Id be really happy with that situation Id have said you were mad!
 
I think I might develop a mental health problem from the latest Spurs performances.
Quite a lot of the time I think being so dedicated to Spurs has been a symptom of mental illness. Then there are those moments when those lads in the white shirts run out onto the beautiful green grass of White Hart Lane and play sublime football, caresssed forwards by the songs from those old stands...
 
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