Does anyone suffer from mental illness on here?

[Hotshot-Tottenham]

I'm sorry to hear of some of the troubles you guys have been facing - but equally, it's great to see how some difficulties have been overcome and the dialogue that needs to happen.

I'm actually looking into setting up something to help people with mental health issues.

It would be incredibly helpful if people could message me with what they've found to be helpful - whether just things like sleep, exercise, discussion over forums etc. Likewise, any particular websites or techniques etc.

Thanks!

Good work, well done.

In my indirect experience the person who was unwell didn't know they were unwell (because of the illness, fudging ironically) so they wouldn't have sought help alone, so, it's knowing who to contact when you suspect (or know) someone is unwell.

I tried the mental health helpline, their and my GP, the "early intervention" team but it wasn't joined up.

Eventually it took a crisis, hospitalisation and subsequent care (late though it was) from the crisis team that helped a lot. That was followed by outpatient care which again was good, though not always aligned.

I guess what I'm saying is: as someone who was witnessing what was essentially a mental breakdown, I firstly struggled to identify it and secondly, once identified, didn't know how to go about getting support. So clear guidance and education would have helped me help someone else.

I don't know if this is what you were looking for, but I hope it's of some use.

 

[Lugash]

Good work, well done.

In my indirect experience the person who was unwell didn't know they were unwell (because of the illness, fudging ironically) so they wouldn't have sought help alone, so, it's knowing who to contact when you suspect (or know) someone is unwell.

I tried the mental health helpline, their and my GP, the "early intervention" team but it wasn't joined up.

Eventually it took a crisis, hospitalisation and subsequent care (late though it was) from the crisis team that helped a lot. That was followed by outpatient care which again was good, though not always aligned.

I guess what I'm saying is: as someone who was witnessing what was essentially a mental breakdown, I firstly struggled to identify it and secondly, once identified, didn't know how to go about getting support. So clear guidance and education would have helped me help someone else.

I don't know if this is what you were looking for, but I hope it's of some use.

That's actually really helpful, thank you.

I think that's it really - some sort of co-ordinated system would help a lot.

 

[monkeybarry]

Feeling pretty down and overwhelmed at the moment.
Keeping myself busy all the time (don't think I've had more than one or two chill days in about six months) - keeps me from having to actually think about things. Probably not that healthy.

Really not looking forward to winter. Really brings me down.

And really confused how to make new friends as a mid 30s man. That is really concerning me.

 

[Bullet]

Feeling pretty down and overwhelmed at the moment.
Keeping myself busy all the time (don't think I've had more than one or two chill days in about six months) - keeps me from having to actually think about things. Probably not that healthy.

Really not looking forward to winter. Really brings me down.

And really confused how to make new friends as a mid 30s man. That is really concerning me.

Join a club/ sports group / gym and go for a drink. Or workmates. Or join a rock band on bongos

 

[monkeybarry]

Join a club/ sports group / gym and go for a drink. Or workmates. Or join a rock band on bongos

Cheers dude.
I get funny then asking people for their number.
It's annoying.
My confidence has taken a bit of a battering recently but at same time I've learned to be at ease with anxiety - the result, im now aware of having "something to lose" in social situations. My reaction - to avoid taking the risk. Gggrrrrr.

 

[Yermiyahu]

Cheers dude.
I get funny then asking people for their number.
It's annoying.
My confidence has taken a bit of a battering recently but at same time I've learned to be at ease with anxiety - the result, im now aware of having "something to lose" in social situations. My reaction - to avoid taking the risk. Gggrrrrr.

I hear you and share your pain. If you can try joining clubs and societies where people have a common interest , if the club meets regularly its a good reason to see people again without having to ask for numbers etc. It is difficult, but the only way to make friends is to get out there. Anxiety is a terrible thing, I take medication for it , I was opposed to medication for many years but it has been a life saver for me to be honest.

 

[Lugash]

Has anyone sought professional help?

If so, has that helped?

If not, what has stopped you?

 

[PochettinoPochettinoPochettino]

Has anyone sought professional help?

If so, has that helped?

If not, what has stopped you?

Yes I started seeing a therapist about anxiety, and anger and it helped after a while. Did it for about 6 months. It's just nice to talk to a total stranger about stuff you can't talk to people about. Only problem was she was pretty hot and I couldn't handle it anymore so I stopped seeing her....

 

[Bullet]

Cheers dude.
I get funny then asking people for their number.
It's annoying.
My confidence has taken a bit of a battering recently but at same time I've learned to be at ease with anxiety - the result, im now aware of having "something to lose" in social situations. My reaction - to avoid taking the risk. Gggrrrrr.

Just go for a drink straight after and crack on, there is really nothing to lose. You start with nothing, you don't know these people, you end up with nothing, what have you lost? Nothing.

Or you make a mate, no big deal.

We're all just specks of matter on a big spinning rock in space, chill out.

 

[Daisuk]

Has anyone sought professional help?

If so, has that helped?

If not, what has stopped you?

I went to a cognitive therapist for a very specific kind of OCD I had a few years back (basically lots of intrusive thoughts I just couldn't shut up), and together with a method I found online (incredibly), that helped me a lot, and pretty much eradicated that OCD after a few months. I've had a few small backlashes of it afterwards, but having used the method I learned, it's always worked really well (for that specific OCD thing).

I've gone to various psychiatrists, psychologists, cognitive therapists and psychoanalysts for the depression, anxiety and low self esteem stuff, and it hasn't been working. But I'm pretty sure that's partly because of the types of therapists I've gotten. The psychiatrists just wanted to label me something, and the psychoanalyst just wanted to talk about my childhood, and neither helped. Cognitive Therapy works if you get the right connected with the therapist, I believe. I just need to find the right guy, and that's not all easy over here, as the waiting lists are long, and you don't really know what you get before you're there (which has made me delay my treatment for over a year now). I think that's a thing stopping me from seeking out help again now, I just don't know if the time I'll be putting in will be worth it, as I'm not guaruanteed to find someone that will work for me. Wish I could get my old one back, but she's a private practitioneer, with long waiting lists, and it just costs way too much for a session for me to be able to do it.

Not having the best of times at the moment though, so think I'm going to step up the search and just start somewhere now.

 

[Daisuk]

Feeling pretty down and overwhelmed at the moment.
Keeping myself busy all the time (don't think I've had more than one or two chill days in about six months) - keeps me from having to actually think about things. Probably not that healthy.

Really not looking forward to winter. Really brings me down.

And really confused how to make new friends as a mid 30s man. That is really concerning me.

I don't think I've made a new friend since I turned 30 that hasn't shared an interest with me. I don't meet old friends any more unless we have something we do together. The few friends I've made over the past few years are either into making electronic music (so we do that together), or we watch Tottenham together, or drink/do drugs/bob our heads to techno together. If you have a specific interest, maybe look up a community that does that sort of thing, or maybe find a pub where a few Spurs guys meet up - it's incredible how easy it is to get to know someone when you have a topic that big to talk about. I'm sure you've already thought of that though, so probably not great advice, but just a heads up for you to stay in there, and I know the feeling!

 

[monkeybarry]

I don't think I've made a new friend since I turned 30 that hasn't shared an interest with me. I don't meet old friends any more unless we have something we do together. The few friends I've made over the past few years are either into making electronic music (so we do that together), or we watch Tottenham together, or drink/do drugs/bob our heads to techno together. If you have a specific interest, maybe look up a community that does that sort of thing, or maybe find a pub where a few Spurs guys meet up - it's incredible how easy it is to get to know someone when you have a topic that big to talk about. I'm sure you've already thought of that though, so probably not great advice, but just a heads up for you to stay in there, and I know the feeling!

That bit I can do.
Just afterwards I then wait for people to invite me rather than being the person who is there that people would rather isn't there. Like "why would they want to be my friend".

 

[Daisuk]

That bit I can do.
Just afterwards I then wait for people to invite me rather than being the person who is there that people would rather isn't there. Like "why would they want to be my friend".

Ah, yeah, I recognize this kind of thinking - I do it often myself, devalue myself, but also put a lot of thoughts into the heads of other people. It's healthy to go over the list of common cognitive distortions once in a while, and cross reference them with your habitual negative thinking. It's not fair on yourself to just assume that people wouldn't want to be your friend, for instance. Check out this list, and try to see if you can nuance your perceptions of your own negative thoughts somewhat. I've found it to help to do this regularly (but I haven't been for ages myself either).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...inking-errors-will-crush-your-mental-strength

Getting into the habit of thinking about your own thoughts with a "wider lens" or a bit of a perspective with these cognitive distortions in mind is basically what cognitive therapy is about. I guess you already know that, maybe I'm just yappering, but thought I'd post just in case it could help somewhat, as it does for me.

 

[DubaiSpur]

Feeling pretty down and overwhelmed at the moment.
Keeping myself busy all the time (don't think I've had more than one or two chill days in about six months) - keeps me from having to actually think about things. Probably not that healthy.

Really not looking forward to winter. Really brings me down.

And really confused how to make new friends as a mid 30s man. That is really concerning me.

Please don't think you're alone in having that issue, mate, or that it's even something that only comes into effect once you're in your 30's. It's incredibly common with my generation, for instance - and I'm only in my late twenties now, as are most of the people I know who also face that difficulty.

My personal story is that I made some damn close friends in school and university, but I lost contact with them pretty quickly after those parts of my life ended. I lost touch with my school friends because I moved to Canada to do my undergrad degree, while they all either stayed in Dubai or likewise moved abroad to India, the United States, Australia et al. And then I lost touch with many of my undergrad friends because, in a similar fashion, a lot of them moved away after finishing up at university (many were international students), while others just moved to different parts of Canada and got on with their lives and careers in new settings.

It's difficult in those circumstances to retain a circle of people you feel close to, especially when your own career involves moving around a lot for grad school and then work. And what I find from talking to colleagues my age and the few friends I still keep in touch with from my old days is that they have many of the same issues, and the same sense of automatically devaluing yourself when in alien social settings (i.e, 'why would they want to be my friend?') as time goes on. I think it comes from the alienation of having to connect with new people after your formative years have passed and that mutual sense of exploration sort of fades - but that's just my own pop psychology.

I have a lot of black dogs living rent-free in my head that collectively turn life into a slow, black and white silent film at times - and one day I'll be brave enough to talk about them more openly. But please don't think you're alone in that particular foible, or that it's something that's permanent. I share the exact same feelings, and many of the people I know around my age do too. I can only echo what @Daisuk expertly put across - you'll find good people who share your interests if you allow yourself to look for them, and the mutual interest is the single best icebreaker there is, given that it allows you to automatically verify that the other person's interested in spending time with you because of your shared passions.

 

[Thebarbarian]

Feeling pretty down and overwhelmed at the moment.
Keeping myself busy all the time (don't think I've had more than one or two chill days in about six months) - keeps me from having to actually think about things. Probably not that healthy.

Really not looking forward to winter. Really brings me down.

And really confused how to make new friends as a mid 30s man. That is really concerning me.

I moved from UK to OZ about 11 years ago, with my wife and daughter. We had no friends or family here so once settled in I went straight to a) the local sports club where there was a social football team, and b) to the bar at the local Rugby League club as that is the most popular sport around these parts. I found that the people I met at these places were more likely to be "long-term" friends rather than just attaching to parents at the school or work colleagues. I still meet up with the football lads every couple of months as we have all spread out geographically (and physically since the footy finished!) and I see friends at the League club each week and they have genuinely become close mates.

I guess all I'm saying is that it doesn't matter where you are, you can associate with social groups, sports groups, cooking classes etc etc whatever gets you in an environment to keep in contact.

I've mentioned on here before a Charity called Livin, which is one of a number of mental health charities here in Oz. Beyondblue is another one specifically targeted to men. Also Headspace is a great one for teenagers/young men and women. I think finding a group like these will more likely give you that coordinated support that a few of you say seems to be lacking.

anyway, best of luck to all of you who have these issues, hopefully you can all find a way to reconcile the darkness they bring with the light that comes from the good things in life.

 

[monkeybarry]

Thanks for your words of support guys.
Really do appreciate it.

I've joined a mixed sports team starting on Thursday.
It's tricky with my interests - watching football but I'm not a blokey bloke, going to the theatre and gigs are not really places to socialize.
Because I used to do so much with my ex it's left a gapping hole, especially when it's things I want to do (IE theatre - you have plan rather than turn up). Maybe I need to flip my thinking and be prepared to do these on my own and then embrace the company at organised events like sport.

A big change from doing most things with one person.

I have also signed up to do "speed friending" !

 

[ricky2tricky4city]

Thanks for your words of support guys.
Really do appreciate it.

I've joined a mixed sports team starting on Thursday.
It's tricky with my interests - watching football but I'm not a blokey bloke, going to the theatre and gigs are not really places to socialize.
Because I used to do so much with my ex it's left a gapping hole, especially when it's things I want to do (IE theatre - you have plan rather than turn up). Maybe I need to flip my thinking and be prepared to do these on my own and then embrace the company at organised events like sport.

A big change from doing most things with one person.

I have also signed up to do "speed friending" !

Hey @monkeybarry, you going to Tottenham games this season?

 

[monkeybarry]

Hey @monkeybarry, you going to Tottenham games this season?

I might try and see if I can along to a couple on general sale.
I tend to watch them in the pub.

 

[Gilzeantoscore]

I think my world view has a negative effect on my mental health, as I have a pretty pessimistic view of where society is heading at the moment. I get upset at the prospects of my daughters, one of whom is just starting out at 18 and my youngest who is autistic.

 

[StephenH]

I think my world view has a negative effect on my mental health, as I have a pretty pessimistic view of where society is heading at the moment. I get upset at the prospects of my daughters, one of whom is just starting out at 18 and my youngest who is autistic.

They will want their Dad to be up and firing on all cylinders. It's our job to rise above all the 'turddoom' that can surround us at any given moment. Its what Dads do!.....

Of course if Mum gives them permission!