• Dear Guest, Please note that adult content is not permitted on this forum. We have had our Google ads disabled at times due to some posts that were found from some time ago. Please do not post adult content and if you see any already on the forum, please report the post so that we can deal with it. Adult content is allowed in the glory hole - you will have to request permission to access it. Thanks, scara

Fear of being alone.

raboner

Banned
so i share a house with three mates currently, my best mate is away on holidays at the moment and im having some issues with my other two housemates.

a couple of weeks ago i was sitting in my room while they were having drinks and being rowdy and i managed to whip myself into this panic that i had no real friends and aside from family i was basically alone. i actually got so agitated that i contemplated driving home and telling my parents i wanted to move back in.

i spent some time with my family over christmas and felt better. but now i find myself alone in my share house again and the same thoughts about being alone are seeping in again.

is there something wrong with me or is it natural to feel some unease when you're alone? my instincts tell me it's normal, but not to the point of irrational panic.. we don't live in the nicest neighbourhood either, so don't think that helps.

apologies for unloading all this, but i find writing stuff down helps me vent.
 
It's normal mate, everyone needs companionship. I have lived alone for three years and although I enjoy my own company, there are times I also feel very isolated. This is not to say it is not damaging. Get out and get social. Do you play sport or have an interest? Join a club, a place where you will have a chance to connect with people.
 
I love living on my own, as Gilzean said you do get lonely occasionally, if I do this I nip round a pals..

I could never live with pals
 
It's tough, and this time of year makes it tougher. Normal day to day routine is broken and it's largely a time for reflection, relationships and togetherness.

It sounds like you are not that comfortable in your surroundings? Have you fallen out with your other housemates or are they just c*cks?

If you're whipping yourself into a panic about stuff they're is definately something eating at you. Try and use the time positively. Smile at the good stuff and be positive about changing the bad stuff, get some thought s together about how to improve things for the better. As Gilzean says think of ways of increasing your social circle.

Are you comfortable in your own skin? If you are then your half way there. If not, don't shy away from taking a step back and looking at yourself (it's from where others view you).

Always remember......GG loves you;)
 
just grown apart from my housemates who used to be very good friends.. i guess i don't feel comfortable in my own social circle any more and that's where the discomfort has started.

i probably need to have a look at myself also. something ive never really been good at. i tend to be overly self critical.

ive always wanted to learn piano, so im planning on doing that and i think honestly i just need to move out on my own and get a bit of perspective.

i really appreciate your response(s) though. particularly that last one. makes me feel a tad more sane.
 
You always got GG mate altho judging by the awards no one actually loves you ;)
 
just grown apart from my housemates who used to be very good friends.. i guess i don't feel comfortable in my own social circle any more and that's where the discomfort has started.

i probably need to have a look at myself also. something ive never really been good at. i tend to be overly self critical.

ive always wanted to learn piano, so im planning on doing that and i think honestly i just need to move out on my own and get a bit of perspective.

i really appreciate your response(s) though. particularly that last one. makes me feel a tad more sane.

I had this when i first left school, i hung around with the guys i knew from school and despite the fact that i was growing up and changing i became a new romantic(thats for the older board members) my friends still treated me like the guy i was at school.

Think this is part of the reason it is good for people to move towns and or go to university, they get to reinvent themselves and also find out who they are as people.

Personally i love my own company it is why my two favourite sports to do are cycling and kitesurfing, i don't have to talk to any bugger. But as marky said you do need company sometimes. I think what might help you is to join some groups and have activities(i dont know anything about you, so you might already do this).

I know a few people a couple of mates who are divorced but they are out most nights doing one thing or another, then of course when christmas comes round the are lots of parties to go to. I went this year to a couple through the groups i am a member of(sports groups).

If you widen your social circle which is something i did a few years ago your life becomes so much more enriched by different experinces and you will never get bored or lonely.

Personally as much as i love my son i wish he boarded at school as i love nothing better then coming home to a quiet house sticking on some dusty sprigfield and having a drink on my own. But maybe i have a bit of a loner gene in me because my dad is like that.
 
Dude, I live on my own and have done now for 7 months. Did live with the mrs but she moved out and it is lonely but the guys are right you need to either join a club or see other mates, go round your parents every now and again (if they are local then its easier). I have a cat which doesnt make me feel as lonely but fcuk I still am. But I do love my own space now and do like to just chill and watch a film every now and again.

We are all here on GG so whenever I feel down or alone I come on here..... then I get even more down when I get abuse haha
 
I'm perfectly happy by myself, probably because I was the only child in my house from when I was about 10 onwards - and I lived in a little village so had to entertain myself somehow! But I love companionship, it's great - so to you I would mirror what others are saying and try to cast your net a bit wider and get involved with some hobbies. Sport is a great way of getting to know people as you all have a common interest - something like football, rugby, cricket, boxing, judo, Jiu-jitsu etc are all good.

Don't worry too much mate, we all have our inner doubts sometimes!
 
I think some people are a little more worried by living alone than others, and that does usually come down to anxiety about yerself and whatnot. It's probably normal for you to feel that way, especially if you are a worrier/insecure anyway. What I WOULD say is that as you get older, I think you learn to enjoy your own company/your own self a lot more if you don't necessarily right now. Great suggestions above, I play footie twice a week and love the other players, we catch up on all sorts, have a chinwag, grab a meal together sometimes...you'll be OK mate, just go easy on yourself and enjoy...
 
If you widen your social circle which is something i did a few years ago your life becomes so much more enriched by different experinces and you will never get bored or lonely.

Personally as much as i love my son i wish he boarded at school as i love nothing better then coming home to a quiet house sticking on some dusty sprigfield and having a drink on my own. But maybe i have a bit of a loner gene in me because my dad is like that.

thanks heaps for the advice everyone, greatly appreciated. i think i was slightly delirious due to the lack of sleep i've had over the last few days..

however, referring to your quote above chich, this is something i have always struggled with.. it's easy to say 'widen your social circle' but it's not as easy as simply saying it. i am a tennis fan and used to play futsal, but sort of drifted apart from the people i used to play with, they aren't fans of my housemates either :( makes it difficult.

anyway, i am going to start doing piano lessons once a week and might find a way to incorporate more tennis into my life.. i am also a big fan of cycling and try to go for an hour long ride a few times a week. i just need to get motivated.

i can also relate to your 'loner' gene, a lot of the time i am happy listening to tunes and having a quiet drink on my own, but sometimes i let my mind race and do my own head in. i also need to learn to take a deep breath sometimes. does anyone around here meditate?

anywho, thanks again to everyone for their considered responses, it means more than you know.

take care.
 
In all seriousness Raboner... its better to have a smaller circle of great friends than a wider circle of ****s.

I used to have a massive circle of friends but around four years ago I went into some sort of depression but always stopped short of topping myself. I decided I needed to change my life. I cut out so many people from my life that now im left with a small circle of super friends. It was so easy to just cut them out it was an abrupt and vicious exercise but it worked. Only issue is that my close mates are connected to the people that I cut out which was fine for me but at times I felt lonely because i wouldnt go out with my mates if they were out with the other ****s. So there are times that im 'alone'. There are times when everyone feels alone but they dont feel it as much because they have a wife/gf/bf (in chich's case) and husbands which fill that void for companionship.

BUT - I am happier now than ever - great job, great friends, setting ambitions and objectives etc and above all achieving them and now have a very good life (I wouldnt say great as there is always room for improvement).

I wouldnt widen the social circle because you would want quality not quantity and trust me some of them wider lot will push you away without realising and you will be back to square one.
 
Back