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Tales

Gifter

William Gallas
Thought we could have a thread on some tales of whatever you might like to share (can already see where that might go in here!).

When I was travelling around India etc in 94-95 I had a train journey booked from Cochin to Varanasi (55Hours), I'd been enjoying 6 weeks or so without wearing shoe's doing the things young hippies do. Fully relaxed I went to get the Bus from Kovalam to Kochin (about 5Hours by Bus), but before getting on the bus met a chap on an Enfield just leaving to go to cochin (well Goa I think, but was passing Cochin). As I'd had my main backpack stolen some months before on another train journey from Ahmedabad to Madras I travelled like a sadhu, light and free!

The bike ride was really cool, the weather not yet too hot as the monsoon had only passed a month or so earlier, by the time we reached Cochin I had time to eat some dinner and then get the train, when I went to the toilets I saw I was coated in fine southern indian dirt, but didn't care, washed my face and thought nothing more of it, finished my food and thanked the guy for giving me a lift then headed to the station.

At the station there were ALOT of people, and I loved it! For me, being on indian trains is how I best remember india in terms of really being amongst the people there, I had a big book to read, some parvatti cream from ola the tola, good fresh food, I was set! As I'd been on many trips by then I was well versed, immediately claimed the top bunk (as the middle and bottom in sleeper act as bench seats during the day, so you grab the top to always have somewhere to lye as and when you want).

India-SL-int.jpg


Much of the trip passed without great note, the Indian countrside changed from region to region, I spent time chatting to curious natives, spent time reading, people watching and wondering what food might be available at the next station. After 2 days on the train it was about 6 hours behind schedule, which meant it would fall further behind as they then allowed more trains through to keep them on time. By now I was recoiling more and staying up in the top bunk alot just listening to music on my walkman, I fell asleep late morning only to wake to the smell of Charas! As I regained focus and again got another big woft of it I looked down and was a mixture of paranoid and stunned! Paranoid as I had some smoke on me and there were two armed policemen in the cabin with us, stunned because in between them there was a prisoner in chains! My brain took a few moments to take in that I was indeed looking at a man, on a public train, in chains with armed guards and the prisoner was smoking pot! I turned my gaze to the other passengers, they were all looking relaxed as if this was normal! Then the prisoner offers me some of his joint, which I turn down and ask the indian near by who talks english what the hell is going on here! He talked to the prisoner for a few seconds and then tells me 'he is being transfered to another prison where he will get the death penalty, so he can smoke in front of the guards! the guards didn't seem to mind anyway, but I again declined his offer of some of his joint, gesturing that I am not a prisoner so cannot smoke in front of the guards! The translator told me he was convicted of stealing, which I found hard to believe would bring the death penalty, and just now have checked nearly 20 years later and google confirms that it is a capital offense in parts of india (or has been, if not presently).

After a short time they escorted the man off the train and the next afternoon I arrived in Varanasi some 70+Hours after I left Kovalam.

Can you imagine if you took the train in the UK and someone being moved prisons got onboard in this fashion!
 
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I have some tales to tell and that is why I am writing my memoirs, the title I have decided on: Tales from Tottenham, from where I Hale.

Cool title for a book and also the first chapter.
 
We had this young female intern at work (no it's not a porn story), early twenties I believe. She had just finished traffic school and was trying to get a job in long haul trucking.
She clearly was not the brightest of the bunch. Drove an ugly, maroon VW Golf with yellow paint brush grafitti resembling *rooster tinkle partridge*.

Being a professional driver, your driving license is rather key to having a job. Nevertheless, she was picking up dots for speeding and wreckless driving.

We let her go, because she was useless, but she found another job working as a lorry driver.

Fast forward a few months and there's an article in a local paper about a young female driver caught doing an average of 100mph in a 55mph zone. Meaning she was doing well over 100 at one point.

Just read her ruling in the same paper. She got a reduced sentence because of her honesty, so she'll spend 21 days in jail and had her license revoked for 18 months.

When asked in court why she was speeding, she replied: "I was trying to set a record." What the actual F?
 
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